Old School

We were out on the bikes yesterday heading North - just cause... I wanted to stop in Edinboro because I hadn't been to my old stomping grounds in a while and I thought it would be fun. We rolled into town around noon and went to the Hotel, the same place where I spent my 21st birthday. The place looked the same and brought back a lot of memories. We both had a beer, some lunch and bs'd with the bartender.

After lunch, I wanted to take a spin around campus, I had heard they were putting up new dorms and that the one I lived in, Shaffer Hall, was being torn down. So, Gordy and I are riding around campus and we pass where Shaffer should be, and it was gone. I felt this wave of nostalgia wash over me and I started to cry. It was like the last little bit of my younger years was gone. The place I had met Rachael, Scott, Martha, Glenn and the rest of the gang - gone, nothing left but dirt. The room where I spent so much time - D27 - gone. In the past year, I have lost so much that the memories of that time have been fading fast, the last thing that I had to hold onto was the ability to see that old building, now it's gone. I know that time has a way of healing the wounds, but this final loss has reopened that scar just a little, letting in some of the pain I thought had gone.

After we passed through campus, I stopped to have a picture taken of myself in front of the Edinboro sign, maybe this will help keep those memories from fading too much.

Biker Chick

I love owning a bike. All those cliche's about the freedom of the road, they are right on the mark. I can't get the smile wiped from my face, I don't want to go home, I just want to ride. The best thing about it is that I am riding with Gordy. We both have bikes and it's been a great way to be together and reconnect. Now that he has a job with regular hours, it's like being newlyweds all over again.

Awkward Moments

So I go to my monthly therapy session Monday after work. When I get there, there is an older gentleman sitting in the waiting room and he says hi. Me being me says hi back and we make some small talk. A few minutes later, his wife walks in – low and behold, I know her. The first few minutes were oh so painful, but we chatted for a while waiting for our therapist. When Lisa came out, she looked at all of us sitting there and thought she made a mistake in her book. It turns out that this man and his wife were there for couple's therapy with someone else.

I must say, it was such a weird feeling because you typically don't see anyone you know waiting to be "seen" at this type of office. I must say, I have a new found respect for this person. I always thought that she had a perfect life and now I know that she and I have a lot in common. We're willing to bare it all to get better J

It's been awhile

Gosh, I can't remember the last time I wrote here. I think the writing thing comes and goes in spurts, and I haven't felt like writing in awhile.

Just a couple quick quips
1. Why do people insist on using a conference room for a conference call and don't close the door.
2. Why do the Geeks at the Geek Squad insist on giving their life story to each customer?

With the first one, there is a loud guy at work. He thinks that the entire office revolves around him. I have heard him spend hours on the phone with our health insurance provider wanting to know how his 22 year old daughter can get a rabies shot for vet school. Here is my problem with this,

a) I really don't give a rats arse about hearing this conversation go on for hours.
b) he makes enough money that he can afford to pay for the shot.
c) she is 22 and lives 1000 miles away, why can't she pick up the phone and call herself?

I know I am being petty about this, but really, if you are going to make personal calls like this, take it to a conference room - and shut the door.

Ok, number two, not that I heard the guys entire life, but it sure felt like it. Dad's computer was on the fritz, he took it to the Geek Squad and they told him to have the hard drive reformatted - I did this because I refuse to pay 200 bucks for them to do something I can do.

So... I reformat the hd and I can't get the operating system installed, the darn computer keeps crashing before windows finishes installing. So, I haul it back to the Geek Squad - they tell me there is nothing wrong with the hardware, but they will "nuke" the hard drive for me. Again I try and install the OS and windows will not install, so I haul it back to the Geek Squad... They nuke the drive again and they can't get the os to install, so they replace the hd, the power supply and the memory in the store - they still can't get it to install. At this point, it has been two weeks and I am starting to get pissed let alone what I have to hear from my dad. They decide to send it to Geek Squad Central, where they only run a hardware diagnostics (which has been done in the store 3 times and it passed 3 times), find nothing and send it back - yet another week. So... the guy at Geek Squad sends it back to GS Central, they finally try to install the os, head slap here, and find that there is something wrong - well duh... I takes them another two weeks to get a new motherboard in stock and installed into the computer, then they decide to ship it ground, which takes another 3 days. All in all, the damn thing took a month and a half to get back - argh... thankfully he had an extended warranty :)

On to better things, I bought a motorcycle with the money I got back on taxes. Actually, we both bought bikes, they are used, but hey they get us around. So I took the riders safety course, passed and got my license. So I am now a biker chick with a tattoo.

My brother is finally moving on with his life. I think he finally realizes what his ex is and that she will never change. It's been nice, we try to get together for happy hour a couple times a month and I have been having a great time getting to know him again.

I have joined Facebook and I am now officially addicted. I have some friends trying to get me on MySpace, which I may do, but I want the newness of Facebook to where off before I try something new. Too much could be overload on this brain.

A New Year

As the year is winding down, I must say, I am looking forward to starting fresh. I called 2007 my year of "firsts". I got my first tatoo, went to the Derby, threw myself into my job and getting to travel because of it - San Francisco, Houston and Tulsa. Even though I didn't to see much in Frisco and Tulsa, I brought back a lot of work experience. Houston brought my first trip to a strip joint with the guys. Yes, what a year of "firsts" it was.












2007 also brought a lot of pain, most of it still fresh like an open wound needing to heal, but with a gentle touch still opens it up to bleed. All of this loss has taught me to not take things for granted, tell the people you love that you love them, and friends from the past, let them know what they mean to you.

Baby Jane aka BJ

The look in her soulful eyes said “thank you” but I still felt guilty about letting her go. As the doctor injected that shot, she kept looking at me, then nothing. It was over, 14 years of having a puppy sister. I could feel myself shaking, then I started to cry. It came in waves and I wonder if it was for all the loss that I have experienced this year. Crying for her, yet crying for myself, crying for all the pain my dad has had this year.

She could hardly walk and it was painful watching her try and lay down. It was time and Dad knew it. He called me this morning and wanted me to go with him, he was ready to let go. With all the loss he has had this year, I knew being there with him was the right thing to do.

She was named on a bet, no one would think to name their dog after the Bette Davis character from the movie "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane" but Dad did. She was the runt of the litter which made her obsessed with food. She would gulp down a hot dog bun sideways in one swallow. You had to feed her first or Lena (Michael's dog) wouldn't have a chance to eat. We used to say that you could take the girl out of North Side, but you couldn't take the North Side out of the girl - she was our North Side girl. She like to sit on the steps with her butt one step higher than her front paws, we called this Sky Butt. She always had these quirky things she did.

When Dad first moved to Zelie, I used to stop by after work and let her out. This was our special time. I loved having her to myself and showering her with love. We would run around the yard and I would throw her balls, unfortunately she never liked to play fetch, so the balls would just lie there waiting for me to pick them back up.

When Michael died, I think it was Baby Jane that made things bearable for Dad. I knew at that time that she was getting worse, but there was a part of me that wanted her to live forever, just for Dad.

As I sit here writing this, I can see her chasing rabbits and squirrels in a park with Michael watching nearby. I'm glad they are together, I just wish they were together with us here, but they are both happy now and in a better place.

What's it been? Two Months

Wow, things have been so crazy that I haven't had time to write, or is it that I haven't had anything happen worth writing about. Who knows, so here I am.

Some things of note that have happened since my last entry:

We spread Michael's ashes in the middle of October. It was a cold, rainy day when we marched into the woods. Dad kept saying to Greg and I, "How does this work?" Our response in unison, "I dunno, we've never done this before either."

I went prepared with a pair of scissors to cut open the bag and a backpack to carry the box into the woods. Once we found a couple places, we cut the bag open and let dad spread the ashes. It was a sad moment when we were finished. Dad said some sweet words and we walked quietly out of the woods. When we were driving down the road, I noticed the clouds part and the sun come out - how appropriate, I knew then that Michael was finally at peace.

Gordy got a new job - yeah!!! He is working normal hours and only works every third Saturday. He started this week and was home before me twice already. I told he needs to ease me into this new way of living. I am so used to being by myself the majority of the time and now he is around, it's great but it's culture shock. I see this as a new chapter in our marriage, I may even start cooking dinner a couple nights a week.

Pitt beat WVU last night. After such a sucky season, I really didn't expect Pitt to pull this one out. WVU was just too tense and Pitt wanted it more. It really throws a monkey wrench into the National Championship. Go Ohio State!!!

Well, I need to go. Enjoy the pics of JJ (he loved my chocolate chip cookies. I learned one thing, never walk away from a two year old with a CC cookie or it will end up like this) Check out the pic of the owl, he is living in the squirrel house right outside the window.