Take a Walk on the Wild Side

Some of you may or may not know, but I have been going through some changes over the past year or so. I came up with a saying, "Bike, Boyfriend and a Tattoo" These are things that I have wanted to have as my midlife thing has taken flight. I know I will never have that boyfriend being married and all, but I know that the tattoo and bike are real possibilities.

Today, I took the first step, I got a tatto. It's small and on my shoulder blade, and is of the sun and moon. It didn't hurt like I thought it would, though there were a couple times I thought I might come out of the chair, but I made it. The whole process to about an hour, that included walking in the door and the guy prepping everything. The noise was a little annoying, but hey, no pain, no gain.

Anyway, here are the pics. One of me and Devin, the artist, and the other of the newly uncovered tattoo. It will take about a week to heal, so I will post a better pic then.

This Year - not good so far...

Well, we are three weeks into the new year and my life has been nothing but chaotic. We found out right before the new year that my mother in law was refusing dialysis and she would have a couple days to two weeks to live.

While dealing with all of this, my brother in law came to see his mother one last time. It was an interesting visit and I learned more about my mil than I really ever wanted to know.

After the visit I came to a conclusion, her kids were tokens to her. She used them to brag to all her friends, but when the time came, she didn't want to spend time with them.

She would tell them what they had to do, when they would do it and with whom they would do it with. It was always about appearances to her, her comment "what would so and so think." It was never about what the kids wanted to do.

For instance, Gordy loved playing the Trumpet and would have played to this day, had she not forced the issue on him. She wanted him to go to college and be a business man, he wanted to be a helicopter mechanic, so he quit college 24 credits shy of his bachelors.

Gordy would always be nice to her and include her in family functions, but he really only did it for me. When she would come to these events, she would bring her camera and try to get pictures of him - joke on her, he always ran away.

Before she died, she wanted to see him one last time. He went, but she never said anything to him. She was to busy talking about her two brothers.

My brother in law didn't want to come from California, but felt the pressure from the two sisters, so he came for a visit. He was in town for three days and spent four hours with her. He told me, "I said goodbye to her 20 years ago." Gordy has the same sentiment.

After she passed away, the sisters got a little weird (of course everyone has a way of dealing with things). She wasn't dead 24 hours and they had all of her stuff cleaned out from the apartment she shared with her husband. This to me seemed a bit rushed and I felt bad for him (the husband). The sisters wanted everything out of the apartment because they didn't want the husbands kids getting their "grubby hands on any of mom's stuff."

I must say, I was really glad there was just a memorial service and no viewing. We had been dealing with all of this for two weeks and it was nice to finally get a reprieve from the family.

I won't go into detail about the way she talked to and treated me, but I did not shed a single tear when I heard she died or at the memorial service.

This all happened the weekend of the tenth, last week, my dad's life long best friend passed away suddenly. Bill was the opposite of my mother in law. He was kind, conscientious and just plain fun to be around. Bill was the kind of person that lived life to the fullest and made the best of everything.

When my brother and I were kids, Bill worked at the local amusement park. Dad would take us a couple times a summer, we would get free tickets, and have a blast. The summer I worked at my Dad's company, Bill was my boss. All I can say is there was always something funny happening. As an adult, I remember being in a car with him and the Stones Honkey Tonk Woman came on the radio. He turned it up really loud and started singing. This is probably one of my fondest memories of him.

Dad held up ok, but I went with him to the viewing and the service just to make sure there was someone there to support him. I don't think Bill's death has hit him yet.

Well, let's hope the next three weeks are better for me, it couldn't get much worse :)

Out with the Old, In with the New

Now that 2006 is officially over, I can breathe a sigh of relief. It was a year of ups and downs for me, and I am looking forward to starting over with a clean slate.

Last year brought me the high of obtaining my graduate degree, something I never thought would happen.

It was the year I started taking care of myself, both physically and mentally. Looking in to see the real me - and I liked what I saw - which made me want to change the outer me. I've started walking four to five days a week and have lost 13 pounds since August.

I learned to set goals for myself, like with losing weight. The holiday goal was to maintain my weight, which I have done so far. I am looking at this like baby steps, one size at a time. Yes, I know where I ultimately want to go, but looking at it with mini goals proves that the ultimate goal is achievable.

On the down side, I found myself dealing with a 30 year old wound that was festering inside. Talking about it to a therapist and Gordy made me feel safe, and helped me realize why I am the way that I am. That I can move on, knowing that the wound can heal.

I also thought I wanted something more - a wild side. In my mind, this wild side could only be achieved by being alone. Today, I know that I can be wild and still be with my husband - this was a big change for me last year, a lot of soul searching took place to be at this point.

Last but not least - the fight. I still have nightmares about Dad's neighbor yelling at me, these will pass in time, but nonetheless, I am still haunted by her voice. I may still be naive, but why does there have to be so much hate?

I am still angry that my Dad had to sell his home of 36 years to get away from all the hate, but there would have been more violence if he hadn't sold it. I was afraid of what they would do to him, Mike and the dogs. You get to a point where life is more important than pride.

So, after a long, tearful cry last night, I woke to the sun shining and a brand new year. I am looking forward to this and many more to come :)

Managing Expectations

I bought Christmas gifts for some people at the office, little things, like gift certificates and wine. I do this because I care and I want them to know that I appreciate them.

The problem with this is, I create an expectation. An expectation of a thank you or some other gesture (no, not a gift, in return). When this doesn't happen, I get upset. I feel rejected and just plain disappointed.

My therapist thinks I need to set my expectations lower and not be so "black and white" with things. This is so fucking hard to do, and today I felt like shit about someone not meeting my expectations.

Maybe this is a learning curve, I know that Darrin and Chris will never say thanks for the gifts I give them, I know Trevor will. But I still keep giving them, one becuase it makes me feel good, two, they sign my paycheck.

On the other hand, with the other people, I am setting myself up for disappointment. Yeah, I have been like this my entire life, Gordy calls it keeping score. I have really tried over the last 6 months to not be this way and the turmoil in my life has dramatically decreased. So why is it that this particular case is bothering me?

I'm not sure, but I need to just get over it. Life is way to short to worry about something as trivial as a thank you.

Family and the Holidays

Why is it that Christmas is supposed to bring families together and ends up tearing them apart?

I have been doing my best over the last few months to get over things that have happened to me in the past. I spent the better part of my life keeping my mouth shut, letting anger get the best of me. Not anymore. I have become more vocal about things that don't make me happy. I am not mean or cruel when I voice my opinion, but I try to get my point across like the adult that I am.

So here is the problem - I have a bull headed aunt who has two daughters just as bull headed. Unfortunately, none of them get along and none of them realize they are alike.

When we were kids, we would always spend Christmas Eve at my aunts house. This would be the one time of year that we would see the whole family together. Yes, this was always an entertaining evening. You never knew what would happen from year to year. Like the one time, it was so cold out that frost was accumulating on the inside of the windows of her old farm house. Or the year she had snow coming down the tree that looked the little balls inside of a bean bag chair. Yes, as much as we didn't want to go, we went and had a good time.

In the past few years, we went to my cousin Sherry's house. Again, an interesting experience. Potato salad that gave everyone food poisoning or discussing the free porn tapes Sherry's husband got from Chrissy's husband - Bill wanted Dvd and Mike gave him Vhs.

Two years ago Sherry decided that she didn't like our side of the family, so she stopped inviting us. Her excuse, she thought we didn;t stay long enough.

So this year, I thought I would be the bigger person and have the party at our house (Gordy wasn't real happy about this). So I called all the major players with the exception of Sherry (I wanted to wait, get the date set and then call her). Everything was planned for the Saturday before Christmas - then I got the call. Karen, Chrissy and Mike and their families would not be able to come, they all had to work.

I was really disappointed in this revullation, as this is half of the people I was asking to come. Since Karen and my aunt don't get along that well, I decided to cancel the whole thing. My aunt wanted to reschedule, but my Mom was not about to drive down for a second weekend, not that I blame her. Mom and I both agreed that whatever date it was changed to, someone would find an excuse not to come.

So, here we are. Me looking for comfort in something that was tradition and part of my youth. It's hard letting go of what we have taken for granted during a lifetime, but it's time for me to grow up and make my own traditions. I'm not saying let those family ties go, but make new ones and look to the future instead of dwelling on the past.

The Haves and Have Nots

I volunteered for a charity event this weekend and I thought nothing about dropping $100 for my hair (it needed colored and cut) and buying a new outfit. Granted, I wanted to look my best for the social elite, but did I really need to spend the extra cash on a new outfit?

It was a fundraiser for inner city, underprivileged kids to attend a Christian Academy. These kids come from mostly broken homes, where the mother is not educated. The school that they go to has a 0% drop out rate, with 70% of the students going onto college - which is great.

At the time of the event, I thought it would be great to sponsor one of these families at Christmas time. I could collect money from the employees at work and buy gifts for a family.

I was really pumped up about this until my stepson, his wife and son came to visit on Sunday. Jon has been layed off from work and is collecting unemployeement. Amie is working part time to help out, but is only making minimum wage. They have applied for food stamps, but won't get them until January because the state is running behind processing this type of thing.

I asked Amie how they are buying food, and she didn't really give me an answer, she just shook her head indifferently. She said they go to the food bank, but that is only once a month.

This got me thinking about how much Gordy and I have, and his son needs food stamps to eat. I thought about how much a family from this school would appreciate a little recognition over the holidays, then countered with, "I have family that is just as needy."

Do we care so much about helping others that we overlook what is right in front of our faces?

I guess I never really thought that someone in my family could need so much. I never saw it that way. They never complain, they never ask for anything, but yet they need so much. It isn't that Jon is lazy, he is one of the hardest working people I know. He just took the easy way out. He didn't want to go to school or join the Army, so instead, his mom found him a job with an electrician - not a bad profession, but not stable either.

So, here I am, thinking nothing about spending 30 bucks for a pair of gloves and he can't put food on the table. Should I feel bad for the choices I made? For the time I spent getting an education so I can have nice things. No, but I do.

I feel bad for the mother who will not enjoy the expression on her children's face Christmas morning becuase she can't afford gifts. I feel bad that Jon and Amie can't put food on the table. I feel bad that I don't need to worry about any of these things.

As time goes by, I wonder how much wider the divide will become.

Pondering...

As a married person or someone involved in a commited relationship, do you have a reasonable expectation to privacy? What are the boundaries and who decides where they get drawn?

Should your partner have full access to a journal/diary? How would you react if you found they had read it?

Unwritten

Natasha Bedingfield

Iam unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
Im just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you can not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you can not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
But the rest is still unwritten

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

The cost of a push

I got my citation in the mail today. I got charged with disorderly conduct and a fine of $122. The sad thing is the court fees where $161 on top of the fine.

So $283 later and I feel like I have been hit again. 283 dollars and all I did was push someone. Such is life... Guess I have to raid the piggy bank :)

Pizza Guy

We ordered pizza last night from the local pizza joint and when the guy came to deliver it, he got out of his truck and I almost fell over.

He looked like he could be Pete's younger brother. He had the hair, the skin and the same build as Pete, which caused me to do a double take.

As bad as things have been lately, this little bit of nostalgia put a smile on my face.

Untitled...

The episode Tuesday got me thinking about a lot of things, especially why there is so much hate in the world.

Maybe I have been living life with rose colored glasses on, but the things I heard coming from this persons mouth were the most hateful, vindictive I have ever heard come from someone's mouth.

Are we a society plagued with hatred toward our fellow man? I know this is just one small episode, but this has to be happening all over the place. Are people filled with this kind of hatred the reason wars start?

What kind of childhood did this person have to be filled with so much hate? Was she beaten, molested or just verbally abused? It is evident that she wasn't brought up in a loving caring environment, anyone that was would not behave that way, at least I don't think so.

I think people all have different ways of dealing with things, but in most cases, there is good in their hearts. At least this is what I thought before Tuesday...

Hit Me With Your Best Shot... And She Did

I'm not sure if I have ever written about my dad's neighbors, but here is the jist of things...

My Dad has owned a house on the same street since I was a year old. Clay Street was a brick, tree lined street where all the neighbors were friendly when I was growing up. I was the only girl on the street, so I was just one of the boys.

As I grew up, Dad moved to Pittsburgh, but still kept the house, renting it out. First to tenants, then to my Gramma. He moved back in permanently with Michael, his partner, about six years ago.

Things were the same as they were when I was growing up. Some of the names had changed, but some were the same. The Rawlins' had lived next door forever and were in declining health, so their grandchildren sent them to a nursing home. When this happened, the olded grandson moved into the house with his brood.

At first, everything seemed fine. They were a little odd, but we can all be that way. As time went on, I noticed odd stuff going on with the house. The ripped the chimney out and left the hole in the roof covered with a blue tarp for a year. In houses this old, it is common for the chimney to also be a support for the floor joists. I can't wait to see the house fall in. Oh well, moving on...

They also ripped out the windows and replaced them with windows that were too small, then stuffed the remaining area with insulation. They did the same thing with the front door.

The grandson, Jon, decided he would build a fireplace on the side of the house. He built this thing really wide, and when he cut the hole in the side of the house for the fireplace, he just ripped out wall studs and never re-inforced the floor. Once he got started on the fireplace, he built up against the side of the house and didn't put any fireproof insulation between the chimney and the siding of the house. In other words, the chimney is right against the siding.

I guess what I am saying is that these people aren't to "with it." Since they moved in, they have set fire to a dumpster in their yard, they poured gas on a fire and have pretty much terrorized the neighborhood. The entire street is terrified and have, on numerous occasions, called the police to complain.

Yesterday was an especially bad day. Lisa, the wife, was in one of her moods and was spouting off vulgarities about the two faggots that lived next door. She was referring to my Dad and Michael. She continued to rant and the neighborhood just ignored her.

My Dad, obviously upset by this, called me to stop by after work. When I got there, she was rambling on about something in the front yard and the F-Bomb was dropped so many times I couldn't count.

I went in the house and talked to dad, who was visibly shaken, he said this had been going on for awhile. We both agreed it would be a good idea to get some kind of evidence of what they were saying.

About the time I was getting everything done, Michael pulled into the driveway. Lisa started her screaming even louder. I was a little concerned about Michael, so I went outside to see what was going on. She was in Mikes face threatening to kill him if he stepped foot on her property or petted her dog. Mike said, I have never touched your dog. She continued with the threatening.

When she saw me walk out of the house, she started with the "look at the fat slut coming out to see what is going on" She was still in Mike's face, so I went up and pushed her - hard.

She stepped backwards, tripped over her own feet and fell. When she got up she was screaming that I threated to kill her and I touched her first - well, yeah I did, I was trying to protect Mike.

Her husband called the police and said there were two females in a fight. She totally went off on me. I have never heard things like that said to a person before. She made hateful remarks about my Dad and Mike. Said I was a fat slut, a whore. She then started in on how Dad calls the police all the time to report them. My reply was that "no, he doesn't, maybe you should be looking at the other neighbors."

While all these words are flying out of her mouth, she is hitting me. Telling me that I have no witnesses to back my side of the story up - at this point there are hald a dozen people watching the entire scene. And she's hitting me, punching the left side of my head as hard as she can - open hand and with a fist.

Then the Police come, I walk away to cool off. Officer Jim comes to ask me my side of the story, then tells me to go in the house. When he gets to the house to speak with me some more, I have ice on the side of my face.

He gets my contact information, asks why I have ice on my face, then proceeds to tell me I am being cited. Yeah, I am pissed. He tells me that I should have walked away - hindsight tells me he is right, but I was protecting Mike.

When he leaves, I slam the door shut and pace. Pacing until I find myself at the back of the house, near the kitchen, punching the wall. I was mad at myself...

After about ten minutes, I go outside to talk with the nice neighbors and they inform me that Lisa has been running around like a lunatic all day. She had a surveyor at her place earlier in the day, the surveyor was on other peoples property, doing his job. When one person questioned the surveyor as to what they where doing, Lisa told her to mind her own fucking business.

With behavior like this, no wonder they all think she is nuts. Anyway, they take her to the hospital to check on her leg - yeah, she's setting me up for a lawsuit. Mike said when she got home, she was complaining loudly in the front yard about how lousy they treated her at the hospital.

I wanted to go get checked out - at this point I have a killer headache, my ears are ringing and I feel like yacking. I decide that I better not go to the same place where she is. They think I could have a slight concussion, but nothing was conclusive on the CT scan.

I can't sleep and I keep hearing her voice in my head. I have been assaulted, both verbally and physically and I don't like the way I feel about myself.

In my opinion, this is someone who is capable of anything - fortunately, she didn't have a gun.

My Dad put his house on the market today. He is afraid for his life, Michaels and the dogs. These people are dangerous and who knows what they will do next.

Do ya Think I'm sexy?

This is for that friend I haven't seen in awhile - thanks for the call. And since I don't have my picture taken that often, I thought I would share.

This is me getting ready to go see the Dixie Chicks.

Sweeping Up

I have been seeing a therapist for a little over a month. Boy, what a change it makes to talk about things to someone that doesn't judge.

For this reason, I had a dream over the weekend that entailed cleaning and getting rid of the clutter. As I woke up Sunday morning, I realized that I needed to clean out my life. I need to make sure I surround myself with people that treat me with love and respect. In return, I will continue to give them the love and respect that they deserve.

Ok, what I am saying is that I am surrounding myself with people who ask nothing of me, and I ask nothing of them - a relationship with no strings attached.

I have spent the majority of my life trying to please people and not expecting anything in return. I am tired of wasting energy trying to please others, when they will never be satisfied with what I am giving. It's like spinning wheels and not getting a mile down the road.

By expecting satifaction from those I am trying to please, I am only making myself miserable with the waiting.

Take for instance, Tim. When Pete died, my friendship with Tim died as well. It was like losing two people, only one was still alive. I still think of him a lot, but it is not healthy. He has abandoned our friendship, left it at the curb and run over it with his SUV. I still hold out that he will call me, even though in my heart I know he won't. Too much time has gone by and too many words have been said, yet I miss him, his conversation, his friendship. This is one of those things I need to get over, put out with the garbage. It is really hard to do though - I have known him longer than Gordon. At one time, he was my sounding board, the one person I considered a mentor in my professional career. I want to think that he would be proud that I got my Masters, that I am pushing forward in my career. It's sad, but I will never really know what he thinks.

Swish, swish, swish, sweeping up :)

I am signing off, the Steeler game starts in a few and I need to grab a slice of pizza and another glass of wine.

Back to the "Real World"

I spent an incredibly relaxing week at the beach and got home this past Saturday.

I started vacation out by leaving work early and getting on the road around 12:30. My cousin, Karen, came with me and we were in Fredericksburg, VA in a mere 6 hours. We met my Mom and chilled out watching the Steeler game - bad ugly loss that is was...

Saturday we made the final leg of the trip and I was all about hitting the water. The weather was great and the ocean was really warm.

I enjoyed the next four days soaking up the sun, reading and swimming. My other cousin, Melanie, was there so it was fun hanging out with her. Karen wanted some alone time, so Mel and I chatted, laughed and carried on without her. It's been along time since she and I have had a chance to spend time together without the spouses and her kids. It was like we were younger again.



I really think she needed a vacation from her life. She works really hard at being a Navy wife and Mom - toughest job in the world in my opinion. Anyhow, by Friday, she was looking relaxed and ready to face the life again with a renewed vigor.

Thursday was interesting. We had been watching tropical storm Ernesto brew out in the Atlantic the whole week and knew it was coming our way - Thursday was the day. The outer bands hit around 4:30 with some serious rain and that continued through the evening. The brunt of the storm (we were in the northeast quadrant) hit around 12:30 and I never thought the wind would end. The wind pelted the rain against the windows immediately over my head in the room where I was sleeping. I dozed for a while, then would wake up when there was a big gust. Around 3:00,the wind changed to the back of the house (same room, different window). I must say, it was a little scary and it's not something that I would want to do again anytime isoon.

When we woke up Friday morning, the wind was still heavy, but the storm had passed. Mel and I went for a walk down the beach to see how the sea turtle nest faired in the storm and it was gone - sad. We spent the rest of the day reading on the deck and scouring the sand for shells.

Saturday brought me home and the farther north I got, the more expensive gas was - damn taxes in PA.

This is the first time in years that I have felt this relaxed after a vacation. I like the idea of leaving all my problems at home, and dealing with them when I have a clear head.

I'll post some pics later.

One Week and Counting...

This time next week, I will be sitting in the sand, drinking a margarita and starting a fabulous week with my family.

The last time I was at the beech, my vacation started out driving through a hurricane (Charlie) and having my last conversation with Pete. The week continued with my sister in law being a total bitch. Yes, a cat fight ensued that Thursday.

This year, no hurricane, no Pete and no sister in law. Missing one is better than dealing with the other two.

I am in dire need of a break from life. I have been really stressed lately - enough so that I am seeing a therapist. I feel no shame talking with someone about my problems. When I leave from talking with "Lisa", I feel like weight has been taken off my shoulders and a wave of relief washes over me.

Gotta run - ciao

Really Official

my diploma came this weekend. i know i keep beating a dead horse, but I really am pumped about doing this.

Other than that life is going ok. I am looking forward to heading south to Emerald Isle for vacation at the end of August. It is a well deserved one and I will be with my Mom's side of the family sans Gordy. I will miss him, but sometimes you need some time apart - makes you appreciate each other more.

Gotta run, back to work.

Franco and Me

I walked outdoors with Helen and there he was, this tall attractive man helping the volunteers with the chairs. It was a warm evening, and he must have been sweating in his sportscoat. When he saw Helen and I, he walked over with a genuine smile on his face. At this point, he was living up to my "hero" standards.

With a firm handshake, I was introduced to Franco Harris, living legend in Pittsburgh sports. He told me that I would be following him around, taking photo's of the people he wanted shots of. He then said he wanted some candid and setup shots - I went to work with a cherished camera, Pete's.

I moved around the room taking in the sights and smells this event was throwing at me. The flowers on the 50 foot bar were so fragrant I could imagine the bees starting to congragate wanting some of the sweet nectar.

There was Chinese food and summer wraps for dinner complimented with only the best wines and liquors. Dessert consisted of bananas foster with delicious ice cream. Unfortunately, I had no time for food, neither did Franco.

We started the evening off by greeting people at the door. I hung around for about half an hour, then he shooed me away. The line needed to move faster and with me taking photo's, it wasn't.

When he was done with the meet and greet, I started following him around, staying about 10 feet away at all times. It is really strange, but he knew where I was at all times. When he wanted a shot, he motioned to me and I tookd the shot.

This took place from 7:30 to midnight and the entire time I was worried about whether or not the photo's would turn out. My feet hurt, but I kept at it.

The entire time I was with him, I kept thinking what a wonderful marriage he and his wife, Dana, have. Here is this man, that women flock to be around, and his wife seemed fine with it. He always made sure to include her in the festivities (they had an auction) and even took time out from dancing with the hot women to dance with his wife.

At the end of the evening, I lost him but heard he was out on the terrace. I packed up my stuff (I was really tired and had an hour drive ahead of me) and went outside for one last photo. See, at the beginning of the night, he promised me a picture of him and I together, I wasn't leaving without that picture.

As I walked outside, he asked if I was leaving. I told him I would stick around if he needed me to, but he said "no." I asked him for that photo and he was more than happy to oblige. So here I was, around around my hero, his arm around me. I felt so important at that moment that I couldn't help but smile.

As I walked to the car, my feet started really hurting, but all I could think about was what a great time I had. I was given a dream job for a night and I was glad I didn't pass it up.

Some of you may or may not know, but Franco was a Steeler in the 1970's. He was responsible for the emaculate reception sending us to our first Super Bowl. He is a hero in the city of Pittsburgh and to all in the Steeler Nation.

The Breakup Song

It's been a week of breakups for people in my family.

It started with my brother and his wife. I knew they were having problems, and I know he wasn't happy, but I was shocked when I heard she had moved out.

It's not to say that I am not happy about this (yes, I am a bitch) but Kelli has not been nice since she landed Greg. She has outright lied about my mom to Greg. For instance, Mom went in and had her hair higlighted. Mom asked how much it was, Kelli replied, "don't worry about it." So mom left. In the meantime, Kelli called my brother and said that "your mom walked out without paying."

It is things like this that have put a bitter taste in our mouths. She started calling Mom around Easter telling her stuff about Greg, then last week, she called me whining, complaining, along with accusations of abuse. He's my brother and we both have the same temper (gotta love those Germans), but we both need pushed really hard to get mad. So, when she tells me this, I assume that she had pushed him to the edge. I later found out that she had hit him which caused him to grab her wrist - funny how there are two sides to each story and she conveniently left that out.

At this point I had enough and told her that maybe Greg was doing all this "stuff" (flirting with the neeighbor) to get back at her for all the rotten things she had done to him. I then gave her examples - it didn't go over to well, but at least she listened to what I said.

I continued by telling her that Greg chose her over his childhood friends - which I later found out, was something Greg had recently told her and she didn't believe.

The other breakup came as a surprise, but didn't.

Ben had been dating Alana for three years. They met at a baseball game when he was 19 and she was 15. Needless to say, I wasn't real keen on the age difference thing, only becuase he had just gotten out of some serious trouble and I was concerned that he would get in trouble becuase she was underage.

Anyway, they dated and on weekends her parents would let him spend the night at their house, in her bed, remember she is underage at this point.

Time goes by and they get engaged, but he is afraid to tell anyone. Gordon told him that if they were that much in love, then he should be happy about spreading the news.

This was a year and a half ago, and I thought all was well in lala land. They came to family events together, her parents have invited us there and vice versa. They are really great people and a lot of fun to be around.

I noticed, though, in the past few months they seemed to have been drifiting apart. They weren't clingy like before and often sat apart on the sofa, which is coming a long way from wearing the same pair of undies (just a saying, not really).

I knew things were bad when Jon's (Gordon's other son) fiance, Amie, told me that Ben and Alana were arguing over moving in together. I had always thought that living together would make or break the situation, but I didn't think that they wouldn't make it to move in day.

In a way, I am happy about the breakup because he is still in school and she is starting in the fall. They both need time to mature and be with other people.

I guess I saw myself in the same situation, dating seriously at 19 and getting married at 21. Now, there is a maturity different between a 15 year old and someone that's 19, but I still missed out on a lot by being with one person.

Don't get me wrong, I would still marry Gordy, but I would have had more fun and did things with my friends instead of feeling oblagated to be with him 24/7. All in all, I think we came out of it fine, considering me being childish at times.

Oh well, I hope he got the ring back. At least he can sell it on eBay.

I'm off to dinner with the hubby and a group of people from work...

It's Official....

I'm done with Grad School - I finished up my last class this past Thursday.

When I started school, I wanted to finish, but I wasn't sure I could do it. I am not the type of person that just willingly does homework. I always enjoyed the learning process but homework - ugh...

Fortunately, most of the courses I took utilized my work experience, so they came easy to me. This semester was the toughest by far, research methods was torture with a 5 page paper due each week and a 20 page paper due at the end of the semester.

Directed Readings was an independent study - not to hard, but actually doing the reading, writing a summary on each of 6 books, then a final paper was not something I was looking forward to.

I got the Research class done and took an Incomplete in Readings. My wonderful prof for readings gave me two months to finish it all up - I did and now I get the diploma :)

In the meantime, I walked at graduation and I have never felt more proud. I bought a class ring and my wonderful husband, along with my mom, threw a surprise party for me.

I must say, I really never thought I would see the day I would have done this. I was so scared that I would fail a class and have to go back - that fear has subsided - yeah...

I know this was a boring post - more exciting stuff to come later :)