You gotta have friends

The past month has brought me to the next point in my life. At 35, I never thought I would be without my oldest friend. He was lost in a freak accident on August , and life hasn't been the same.

I remember the last time I spoke with Pete. I was sitting on the beach in North Carolina after Hurricane Charley came through. Pete had called the house to let us know he was fine, and I wanted to call him back to let him know we had made it through the hurricane also. We didn't talk about much, just that he helped Stephanie out by boarding up her house and letting she and her son stay with him. Pete was always a kind soul... Anyway, I told him how scared I was about driving through all that rain, then to get to the beach and see the waves crashing into the shore - amazing how nature works. When I talked to him that night, I told him I would call when I got home. A week later he was gone and I never got to talk to him again.

When I think about him, many words come to mind: laughter, annoyed, broke, sarcastic, and hero among others. Pete could always make me laugh, even when he was annoyed at someone. I think he tried to much to be liked, I am the same way, which is why I think we got along so well. I can't really remember when we met, he's just always been there. I know we were on the yearbook and newspaper staffs as photographers, and it was a natural friendship. We were always comfortable with each other, we were "just there" for each other. Through out High School, we were inseparable. When the tornado of 85 hit, he picked me up and took me out to take photo's. I have this one of him where he's turned sideways looking at me with the camera around his neck. I will always see him that way.

Pete was instrumental in teaching me to drive. He had this little blue Cheville and we would go out after school on the back roads of Cranberry Township (when they were back roads). There he would teach me how to stay out of ditches and drive on two wheels :) When the Cheville had seen better days (no doubt thanks to me), his parents bought him a blue Cavalier. We would drive to all the SVTV events together and go for runs to BK in his car. I can't tell you how many times he picked me up for school and dropped me off, he was always there. When it came time for Prom, a group of us went together, it was better that way.

When we went off to college, He was never more than a phone call away. We kept in touch through letters and calls. My first year at school, he brought a group of people up to Edinboro to spend the night, then take us skiing the next day. That night, we rented a VCR and one of the guys had brought a porn tape (my brother I think), anyway after laughing at the tape, we took the VCR back to the store and forgot to take the tape out. What a hoot...

After school, we went our different ways, but always stayed in touch. He would always call when he was coming into town. I would pick him up at the airport and this was "our" time. We would catch up with each other, then bitch about things that were annoying us. He was the only person I could talk to when I was having issues with my husband. He would listen, then give advice about what it's like on the other side of the fence, always making me see my husbands side of things. At least once while he was in town for a visit, he would come to my house for dinner. I always loved these times, we would sit for hours and talk about anything and everything. Sometimes we would get drunk, then laugh and giggle for hours over nothing. Other times, we would hang out and watch a movie. The last time I saw Pete, he was at my house. We had ordered pizza and Sue and I were making fun of him because he didn't have any money to help pay for the pizza. I think he was a little upset that we were picking on him, I picked up on this and told him that if we didn't love him, we wouldn't pick on him. I hope he knew how much he meant to me, and how much I love him.

It took him dying to meet his girlfriend. After she left, my husband questioned why he never brought her around. Talking with her, she and I both agree that he wanted to keep his two "lives" separate from each other. This thinking has made me think of my own life. I had friends that I tried to keep from my husband, not that he would dislike them, but it gave me some of my own individuality, something of my own. I wonder if this is how Pete felt?

I also had another loss the day Pete died. Another one of my dearest friends showed his true colors. When I most needed someone to talk to about Pete, Tim wouldn't return my calls. I tried his cell phone, his number at work, and to no avail, he wouldn't call me back. I would have tried him at home, but his wife would have freaked, she thinks we're having some 3000 mile torrid love affair - yeah right... When I finally got a hold of him, I felt like I was talking to some acquaintance that I hadn't seen since 1995. He was cold and distant, not the person I have known for the better part of my life.

Tim and I had an interesting friendship, we would talk usually about work and computers, as he is an excellent computer specialist and I am a closet geek. I always valued his opinion on things, and he never steered me wrong. Tim was the reason, I am so good at my job. Over the past three or four years, he and I had grown apart and we weren't as close as we used to be. I think this had to do with the jealousy that his wife had for me. I understand that she was hurt in a previous relationship, but Tim loves her and would never do anything to hurt her. I personally think she is insecure in their marriage. I guess I'll never know, as I have never met her, and all the information I have about her is from him.

The last time I saw him, he asked me not to call him unless of an emergency. I felt like this was the final straw, what type of friendship did we have that I had to rely on him to call me? From that last phone call, I guess it wasn't a friendship made of respect. I made up my mind that I was done, I didn't need that kind of shit from a so called friend. I haven't talked to him since Pete died, and I have no plans to call him. It's his loss, and it's time I spend my time with people that really care about me for me.

On a final note, I have the best husband. He is always there for me, even when I disappoint him. He makes me happy and laughs at my attempts at humor, isn't that really all we can ask for?

To Pete, I will always love you my friend - I will never forget your laugh :)
To Tim, good luck with your life, you deserve the best.
To Gordy - Babe, you are my rock and I love you!