Ode to Tim

Where do I start... I keep having dreams about you, I want to call you just to hear your voice, but I need to let you know I am not into being destroyed mentally by our friendship.

I must say, I love my husband with all my heart, and I would never do anything to hurt him, Gordon has filled a gap in my life that I never thought could be filled. Tim is part of my childhood, he knows about what I was like when I was younger, he knows the same people, he knows what makes me tick.

I remember the day we met as if it were yesterday. He was at SVTV visiting Tim Hall and I was on my way into the studio. Even though he is 5 years older than me, I knew of him through his sister, Natalie, and through photography. As I was walking down the hallway and saw him, me being me walked right up to him and said, "Hey, you must be Tim Weichel? My name is Margie Druschel, nice to meet you." It was instant friendship from that point on. He was in the Navy and I was still in school, but we talked all the time and saw each other when he came home from Groton to visit his parents. After a while, we started dating. It was the perfect relationship for someone in high school. We didn't see each other everyday, so we couldn't fight, perfect...

I started this two weeks ago, a lot has changed since then. All I wanted was to hear his voice, so I called his cell phone, knowing that I would get his voice mail and hear him. I called and left some stupid message. After I did that, I felt I had betrayed myself. I vowed that I wouldn't call him and here I was, making that first step. Every time the phone rang after that, I was secretly wishing it would be him.

That call came this week... I was sitting at my desk at work and the phone rang. I picked it up and instantly I knew it was him even before he said a word. I asked how he was doing, his reply was "Glad that you haven't hung up the phone on me yet." It was like that scene in Jerry McGuire where Renee Zilwegger said "You had me at Hello." I couldn't get enough of talking to him. I was at work, so I really couldn't say to much, but I had a million things to tell him. I wanted to tell him that our friendship is one of the most important things in my life. I would never forgive myself if something happened to him and I never told him how I felt. I live each day not knowing if Pete knew how I felt about him and I will never have the chance to tell Pete. Tim on the other hand is still here and I need to tell him how much he means to me.

Here goes...
I have known you all my adult life and the latter part of my childhood. You have always been in inspiration to me. You are smart and very gifted with technical knowledge, I am so good at my job because you and I talk "techie." I think I got this through osmosis :)

You make me feel special when I have your full attention. You always compliment me about my job and tell me how proud of me that you are.

I feel like I have a "connection" to you. When you're in town, I "know" it. I feel it in my bones and my heart. I know when something is bothering you, and you know the same about me. Remember the time you were going to be married in VA Beach and she left you for a dead man? Something told me to call you, you were in need.

I love you as only a true friend can. This love in embedded in my being and will never change. I may be pissed at you, but I still love you. Even when I wrote my first entry and was angry at you, I still loved you.

No matter where we are, we always have a good time. I still get ragged about hiking in Topanga Canyon and getting poison sumac. Standing on the beach in LaJolla between you and Gordon, I will never forget that sunset. Missing my plane out of Burbank and getting a free ticket. That crazy party in Houston, what a view. Lunches in the cafeteria and of course, there will always be Vegas. I have never had so much fun as I did in Vegas. Work all day, gamble all night, then back to work the next day. I would sleep for 24 hours when I got home just to get back in sync with the real world.

You have been an important part of my life. I look back and there isn't a thing about me that you don't know about. Thank you for everything, my life has been better with you in it.

What today Brings

I still have my job!!! Though I had to watch people gather their stuff up and leave. They let 6 people go, 4 full time and 2 part time.

I am really worried about Kelly, she is such a fragile soul and I am not sure how she will take this. She left the building without saying anything and any of us.

We had a meeting after the cuts took place. It was good to get everyone together and let us know what was going on. Afterwards, I cried. I felt like a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders. I could finally get back to normal - if that's what you could call it. At least I won't have to eat two bowls of ice cream to feel better anymore. I think I gained back all the weight I lost in the past month.

Well, I need to get back to work, it's crunch time and I need to prove my worth.

What will tomorrow bring?

This has been a really tough week. The new company that aquired our customer, was in the office yesterday and our management team needed to digest the information for a day. I will find out my fate tomorrow. On one hand, I am sick at my stomach not knowing if I will have a job Friday. On the other, maybe this is a sign from God that it's time to move on and grow up.

It's funny, even though I am going to school for marketing, I really like what I do. Maybe it's because I do something new and challenging day after day. I've been here 2 1/2 years and haven't thought about moving on. Usually by then, I am bored with a job and need something new. I have found a home here and I don't want to move on.

I am sitting here not wanting to leave, it may be the last time I sit at my desk at this time. How quick can I find another job? Will I want to take some time off? Will I go to school full time in the spring? I am at a loss right now, I feel numb, it's kinda weird. How will I react if I have to say goodbye to someone? I have had so many changes in my life the past 2 months, I am not sure if this won't push me over the edge.

Layoffs Suck

In 2001, I was layed off twice in six months. The first time I had an idea it was coming, the tech company I worked for was having serious financial problems and needed to get rid of overhead, which meant employees. There were 300 of us let go that day with a decent severance package and sessions at learning how to promote ourselves. Since I knew what was going down, I had been actively searching for a job and cleaning out my desk. Since I was smart in preparing for this, when it happened I already had a job lined up.

At the new job I knew something was "off" the day I started. They were sending me to classes to learn Macromedia Director - I thought cool, something new. Also in the classes where the web designer and the owner of the company. At lunch, the owner dumped the web designer and I to go eat alone - odd... After the first week of working there, I discovered the owner loved to pit people against each other. Nothing was ever peaceful, he loved conflict and would do anything to see people miserable.

After being there three miserable months, he decided the company was moving to a nicer building. Appearances were everything to Jeff - a nice house, two new vehicles, season hockey tickets for 4 in the Igloo Club, and of course new offices. Since this was a small company, he didn't want to pay a moving company to move all the computers and servers from one office to the next - he made us do it. Needless to say the day we moved the computers it was pouring down rain and none of us were to happy with him. He decided he wasn't going to be around when we were doing all this moving - what an ass...

September 11, 2001 - I remember driving to work hearing about the first plane to crash into the WTC. I remember thinking it was Osama Bin Laden, but then pushing that thought aside as this was probably a freak accident. When I walked in the door at work, everything was as normal could be there. Someone was listening to the radio and heard a second plane had crashed into the second WTC building. I immediately became concerned and we tuned into CNN on the internet for more information. By 10 o'clock, the entire staff was huddled around a single computer watching the events of the morning unfold. At this time, Jeff, the owner left the building with his wife - no one knew where they were going and when they would be back. Tony, the VP told us to go home, to be with our families. I stuck around for a bit, but headed home around noon. Everyone else left soon after I did.

When I got to work the next day, I found out Jeff had come back to find everyone gone. Being the kind hearted person that he is (sarcastic) he called all the people at the help desk back to work. Of course the whole nation was at a standstill and no one was working, the help desk didn't log a single call that afternoon. When I turned in my timesheet for that day, he wanted me to use vacation time for the period of time Tony told us to go home. I knew at that point I didn't want to work for someone who had no regard for anyone but himself.

Business had been slow after 9/11 so in true business fashion, he layed me off. I think I cried for an hour, then rejoiced. This was a way for me to get out of a bad situation, look for another job and collect unemployment.

It took me four months to have the job at TrueFit land in my lap, and I thank the good Lord above he sent it to me.

Fast Forward to last week... At TrueFit, I work with the "Lilly" team. Lilly contracts TrueFit to develop and test some portions of their software. I work on a .Net project called Exchange which moves data back and forth across development platforms. It's actually a pretty cool thing. Some of Lilly's development team was based in Cranberry Township and we shared office space with them. Since my project exchanges data between different systems, I worked with the Lilly team that is in our shared office space.

Anyway, Lilly was purchased last week by a company that is much larger and looks at the bottom line more than Lilly did. This company came in and decided which products they wanted to keep and which ones they didn't. One of the ones they didn't want to keep was the one being worked on at Lilly in Cranberry Township. The big boss came into town on Friday and layed the entire Lilly staff off at their Cranberry Township office. I had to watch as these people packed up their stuff and left the building. I didn't know how to feel, I had always been the one leaving and never thought about being one of the ones left behind. Friday, we were left to wonder if we would have a job at the end of next week. I started cleaning out my desk - the guys think I'm crazy - I am just trying to emotionally prepare myself like I had before. The big wigs called a meeting to let us know that the new company was still going to use us, but they weren't sure at what capacity. I am sitting here worried for myself and worried for those people that may not have a job at the end of next week. I think about the guys whose wives don't work, how will they support themselves? I know from experience that it always seems like the sun will never rise in the morning, but when it finally does, it always shines brighter than ever before.

Things always happen for a reason, as I learned. The first layoff didn't affect me, but the second did. I questioned myself and my abilities as an employee. I also questioned whether or not I deserved to have another good job. I really had to take a step back and evaluate myself before I was able to take a step forward.

This coming week is going to be a test, one which I hope I pass. Either way, the trip has been fun. Will I continue down the path I am on, or will I be lead down another path? Each path will make me stronger, I am sure of that. I am fortunate in that I have two careers I can fall back on, Marketing and QA. Some people don't have that sort of opportunity and I am blessed that I do.