When I was ranting about my Brother and Dad's situation the other day at work, I was talking to my coworker KT about it.
She knows my Dad is gay and she knows how well we get along. I made a comment about how much I loved him and it didn't matter to me that he was gay, he's my dad. I also said, that as humans we sometimes have to see past things that we don't understand or see past things they do, which we may not agree with. Life is to short to be angry and critical of other people just because they are different from ourselves.
KT then said something that got me thinking. She said "Margie I really admire you. You love your Dad just the way he is and just because he is different doesn't matter to you. I know a lot of Christians that would never forgive someone for being gay."
This got me thinking, isn't being a true Christian supposed to be about forgiveness? Didn't Jesus die to forgive us of our sins? If the bible says that being gay is a sin, it shouldn't matter because our sins are forgiven upon our death. I know there would be a battle over this one. In my opinion, no one is free of sin. I have sinned, but I don't feel that I am a bad person. I believe in God and Jesus, and I also feel that treating people as we ourselves would want to be treated is the way we should live. I try to be nice to everyone I meet and treat them with respect, even if their beliefs aren't the same as my own.
I was listening to the radio the other night, The Savage Nation. I listen to this to get other peoples view points of certain issues and on this night, I agreed entirely with what was said. Mike Savage said that as long as a person is good and moralistic, it shouldn't matter if they are atheist, Christian or any other religion. Just because someone doesn't worship the same God, or any God for that matter, doesn't mean they can't be a good person.
When I was younger, I worked with a Jewish woman who made a significant impact on my life. She treated me like I was a daughter. She was so good hearted and loving towards me that I strive to be like her. She taught me about the Jewish beliefs and why they think what they do. Heck, they believe Jesus was a person, just not the Saviour. She taught me that being different is not bad.
I don't go to church and at work this is frowned upon, even though they don't say it. I guess it has to do with some bad experiences I had when I was younger. The church I attended had it's share of hypocrites. Some members would run around on their spouses and do all sorts of crazy things that the church would frown upon, but come Sunday, they were all the most devout Christians you would ever meet. And then there were others that used this social situation to judge others on how much money they had. My parents didn't have a ton of money, so I was looked down upon because we couldn't give that much in offering. When did being a good Christian equate to how much money we give?
A former boss of mine "found God" while I was working for him. This was about five years ago and he still treats his employees like dirt. I don't understand how someone so deeply seeded in the church can leave the sanctuary and go to the office to treat people like he does. I thought it was all about loving one another? When did this change or was it ever that way?
I guess it really comes down to how we live our lives. If we are nice and respectful of others even though we don't go to church, are we going to burn in hell? If we go to church and still treat others like they are scum, will we go to heaven? These are tough questions and I often wonder about the answers.
Saturday, March 26, 2005
He's getting older - part deux
It's been an interesting week. Gordon's oldest son called last Friday to see if we wanted to come to dinner on Sunday, we of course accepted. The first thing after he called was to ponder - "what does he want?" This is wrong on so many levels, but with his kids, they don't come around or call unless they want something.
Jon and Amie (named for the Pure Prairie League song) have been together for about three years. They make a good couple and compliment each other. They don't have to dimes to rub together, but they love each other and make each other happy.
We got to their house and where chatting it up when Amie showed me the ring Jon had given her for her birthday in February. They were engaged. Gordy and I were excited with this news as they seem to make the perfect couple. They talked about having a wedding in the fall of 2006 - something small and outdoors. Since they are simple people, they wanted something simple. We told them they were more than welcome to have the reception here at the house. We have more ample room for a small wedding. If it rains, we have the garage and we have the deck for dancing. We can have a bonfire and make it a real good time.
Over the course of the evening, we found out that Ben had also gotten engaged to his minor girlfriend and that they were not planning on getting married for another 6 years. OK, so what's the point of putting a ring on someone's finger if, first, they are underage, and second, they are not planning on getting married for another six years? What's the point on spending that kind of money? I personally think that they have been having problems and he saw this as a way to try and bring them closer. When Gordy asked him why they didn't tell us, Ben's reply was they if someone noticed the ring, they would tell them, but they weren't openly telling people. Gordy said "Ben, this is supposed to be a happy thing, I would think you would want to tell everyone." It's almost like Ben is embarrassed to tell people.
Oh well, back to the dinner. After we ate, we were sitting around playing dice (I have no idea what this was, but I had a pretty good buzz). Amie made some comment about how everyone was in a good mood and they decided to spring it on us that they are having a baby in October. On one hand, I was absolutely ecstatic for them. They 22 and 24, and are old enough to have kids. On the other hand I was really disappointed for myself. I was the one that should have been pregnant before her. They seem so happy about this and don't seem to realize what this is going to cost. Amie seems to think she can collect unemployment while she can't work. I hate to inform her, but in this state, you have to be available for work to collect unemployment, which means she can't collect while she is out on maternity leave. I told them they need to look into some short term disability, which would cover this. I must say, they didn't think a whole lot about this before they got pregnant - but I am still happy for them.
Gordy has been good about this. When I came home and freaked out, more about Ben than anything, he listened to me gripe and nodded his head in agreement.
I told him yesterday, that under no circumstances was I to be referred to as Grandma. I am too young for that and at my age, and the fact I don't have kids of my own, I don't want to deal with feeling old. Gordy also thinks that at 50 he is to young to be a grandfather. He thinks he is still in his early 30's. Oh well, time marches on.
Jon and Amie (named for the Pure Prairie League song) have been together for about three years. They make a good couple and compliment each other. They don't have to dimes to rub together, but they love each other and make each other happy.
We got to their house and where chatting it up when Amie showed me the ring Jon had given her for her birthday in February. They were engaged. Gordy and I were excited with this news as they seem to make the perfect couple. They talked about having a wedding in the fall of 2006 - something small and outdoors. Since they are simple people, they wanted something simple. We told them they were more than welcome to have the reception here at the house. We have more ample room for a small wedding. If it rains, we have the garage and we have the deck for dancing. We can have a bonfire and make it a real good time.
Over the course of the evening, we found out that Ben had also gotten engaged to his minor girlfriend and that they were not planning on getting married for another 6 years. OK, so what's the point of putting a ring on someone's finger if, first, they are underage, and second, they are not planning on getting married for another six years? What's the point on spending that kind of money? I personally think that they have been having problems and he saw this as a way to try and bring them closer. When Gordy asked him why they didn't tell us, Ben's reply was they if someone noticed the ring, they would tell them, but they weren't openly telling people. Gordy said "Ben, this is supposed to be a happy thing, I would think you would want to tell everyone." It's almost like Ben is embarrassed to tell people.
Oh well, back to the dinner. After we ate, we were sitting around playing dice (I have no idea what this was, but I had a pretty good buzz). Amie made some comment about how everyone was in a good mood and they decided to spring it on us that they are having a baby in October. On one hand, I was absolutely ecstatic for them. They 22 and 24, and are old enough to have kids. On the other hand I was really disappointed for myself. I was the one that should have been pregnant before her. They seem so happy about this and don't seem to realize what this is going to cost. Amie seems to think she can collect unemployment while she can't work. I hate to inform her, but in this state, you have to be available for work to collect unemployment, which means she can't collect while she is out on maternity leave. I told them they need to look into some short term disability, which would cover this. I must say, they didn't think a whole lot about this before they got pregnant - but I am still happy for them.
Gordy has been good about this. When I came home and freaked out, more about Ben than anything, he listened to me gripe and nodded his head in agreement.
I told him yesterday, that under no circumstances was I to be referred to as Grandma. I am too young for that and at my age, and the fact I don't have kids of my own, I don't want to deal with feeling old. Gordy also thinks that at 50 he is to young to be a grandfather. He thinks he is still in his early 30's. Oh well, time marches on.
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Something I have to say
Ok, here goes... My Dad isn't like most Dad's - he's Gay. For most of the people reading this, that may come as a surprise for others maybe not.
I have known since I was 7 that my Dad, my hero, wasn't the same as other people. It has always been something I have known, even though we didn't talk about it. I used to think it was something I had done wrong that made him that way, but I now know different. I have to say, this is really difficult for me, but it's something I need to do as I had a life changing experience this week.
When my parents separated, Dad dated someone named Pam, she was really nice. But I was young and didn't know any better. He then brought Curtis home. Curtis never liked Greg and I, so that relationship didn't last very long. He also dated someone from Butler that was really nice, he always treated Greg and I like we were his own. I can't remember his name, but he made an impact on my life.
Then there was Mike. They have been together for 20+ years, something straight couples have a hard time doing. Mike lived in Pittsburgh and when Greg and I got old enough, Dad moved to the city too. I remember that day like it was yesterday. It was my birthday and Dad was moving. He had been layed off from the railroad for a year and needed to rent the house out to pay the mortgage. One of the main reasons for the move was that Greg and I were getting older and he didn't want people making fun of us, Zelienople is a small town and people can be mean.
I loved going to visit Dad in the city. He had an apartment near the park and I was able to roller skate through the park in the summertime. I had access to everything the city provided, downtown, shopping and all the fun things you have in walking distance.
It was after a year or so that Dad moved in with Mike. I must say, they had a tumultuous relationship from the beginning. I remember fun times, but I also remember fighting and screaming. I think Dad moved in and out of there at least 3 times.
Needless to say, this had an effect on me. We never talked about his orientation, he just assumed we knew. I started having problems in school, so one day, I blurted it out to my Mom that I knew. I must say, that day was life changing. I was able to talk about it and not feel dirty. Mom sent me to the school therapist - that was more embarrassing than knowing my Dad was gay. At this time in my life, I didn't tell anyone, like I said people are mean and this was in the middle of the Aids crisis.
When I started dating Tim, I told him the night my Dad and Mike had us to dinner. He wasn't surprised, but he was supportive. This was the first time I realized that it was OK to tell people. Gordon was the same way when I told him, I guess I lucked out with the guys I dated they were pretty understanding. Other than them, I never really told anyone - some friends at college and work, but I always thought it wasn't anyone else's business.
Like I said Dad and Mike have always had a crazy relationship. Mike has done some things to my family, that most people would not forgive. He called Gordon's ex, Judy, to let her know that I was dating him. He moved into an apartment in my Dad's house in Zelie, Gramma lived downstairs and he would do things to drive her crazy - some of them were funny. He then got drunk one night and attacked Dad, when Dad fought back Mike called the police and had him arrested. Needless to say, this could have been the straw that broke the camels back. Mike had called my Mom to say that Dad was in jail. Mom called here and talked to Gordon about it. We met Greg and my uncle at my dad's house in the city. When we got there, Mike acted like nothing was going on, I being bulled headed told him that someone needed to look at for Dad and it obviously wasn't going to be him. After we got Dad out of jail (I can laugh about this now), he did not speak with Mike for a while. Then one day, he realized that even though they would never be "together", they needed each others friendship to survive. They moved in together, each with separate bedrooms. This arrangement helped them both out with paying bills. The arrangement also drove the wedge in deeper for my brother.
In time, I forgave Mike, though it took some time. My brother on the other hand has reverted to being a child when it comes to my Dad.
My brother and I have never really sat down and talked about how this has affected our lives. I have always loved Dad the way he is. We would joke around and look at guys together - how many girls can say they were scoping out guys with their dad?
Anytime there is a get together at my place, I have always included Mike, as he IS a member of my family. He is like another brother to me. He taught me about photography and I will always be grateful for that. He taught Greg about electronics and speakers. Even though there are things that he has done which make me mad, I still love him and I can find it in myself to forgive him because he completes my Dad. If he wasn't around, there would be no one there to make sure he wasn't having another stroke and to remind him of things when his memory goes for a minute.
At the beginning of the month we got an invitation to a party that Greg was throwing for Kelli's 30th birthday. Gordy and I were planning on going and so was Dad. Mike normally doesn't go to these things because he sometimes feels uncomfortable. Anyhoo... Greg called me the Tuesday before the party to ask me a favor. He wanted me to make sure Mike was not going to be there. In his words, "this is Kelli's 30th birthday party, not Dad's coming out party." I understood where Greg was coming from, but I wasn't sure why I had to be put in the middle. I struggled with this for a day. I couldn't decide if I should call Greg back and tell him he needed to grow some hair on his ass and tell Dad himself, or tell Dad and hope he didn't want to shoot the messenger. In the end, I told Dad what Greg had said. Dad's words to me where "If that's they way he feels, I won't go at all." The funny thing about it, was it's not like Dad and Mike look or act like flaming gay men. To me they are normal and they don't sit in corners and neck at parties. In my opinion, Greg was way out of line. There were 70 people at the party and no one really cared who was there or not.
The night of the party, Gordon and I went. The only people we knew where Kelli's family. Needless to say, we felt really awkward. My uncle Woody showed up, realized that Greg and Kelli hadn't shown up yet and left. Gordy and I hung out until they came. Greg finally made his way over to us and said "How did Dad take it?" My reply was "He's not here, is he?" I then told him that I never wanted to be put in the middle again. It wasn't fair to me and it wasn't fair to Dad. When we went to leave, I wished Kelli a happy birthday and she asked where dad was. Another smartass reply from me was "ask your husband." She looked at me really perplexed and I walked away.
I decided then and there that no matter what, Kelli's family was no longer second hand invited to any parties at my house. I know this sounds petty, but every party that has been at our place since Greg and Kelli have been together, her parents and sisters have been at. For some reason, an invitation to them is an invitation for her entire family. One time, I caught her packing lunch stuff up for her dad to take to work the next day - what gaul.
All this stuff makes me realize what neat parents I have. I really love them with all my heart. I also realize that my family in general is pretty cool. Both sets of aunts and uncles are great and all my cousins are fun people. I love hanging out with them. I realize that Greg is missing out on so much. He has Kelli's family, which they are nice and fun to be around, but so are we. There is going to come a time when someone is gone, and he is going to realize that he missed out on so much love.
I must say, writing this has been like chicken soup for my soul. It's good to "come out" with my Dad. I find that I am telling more and more people and they are not as critical as I thought they would be. They understand because they have gay family members and know that what one person does in the privacy of their own home, is their own business.
I have known since I was 7 that my Dad, my hero, wasn't the same as other people. It has always been something I have known, even though we didn't talk about it. I used to think it was something I had done wrong that made him that way, but I now know different. I have to say, this is really difficult for me, but it's something I need to do as I had a life changing experience this week.
When my parents separated, Dad dated someone named Pam, she was really nice. But I was young and didn't know any better. He then brought Curtis home. Curtis never liked Greg and I, so that relationship didn't last very long. He also dated someone from Butler that was really nice, he always treated Greg and I like we were his own. I can't remember his name, but he made an impact on my life.
Then there was Mike. They have been together for 20+ years, something straight couples have a hard time doing. Mike lived in Pittsburgh and when Greg and I got old enough, Dad moved to the city too. I remember that day like it was yesterday. It was my birthday and Dad was moving. He had been layed off from the railroad for a year and needed to rent the house out to pay the mortgage. One of the main reasons for the move was that Greg and I were getting older and he didn't want people making fun of us, Zelienople is a small town and people can be mean.
I loved going to visit Dad in the city. He had an apartment near the park and I was able to roller skate through the park in the summertime. I had access to everything the city provided, downtown, shopping and all the fun things you have in walking distance.
It was after a year or so that Dad moved in with Mike. I must say, they had a tumultuous relationship from the beginning. I remember fun times, but I also remember fighting and screaming. I think Dad moved in and out of there at least 3 times.
Needless to say, this had an effect on me. We never talked about his orientation, he just assumed we knew. I started having problems in school, so one day, I blurted it out to my Mom that I knew. I must say, that day was life changing. I was able to talk about it and not feel dirty. Mom sent me to the school therapist - that was more embarrassing than knowing my Dad was gay. At this time in my life, I didn't tell anyone, like I said people are mean and this was in the middle of the Aids crisis.
When I started dating Tim, I told him the night my Dad and Mike had us to dinner. He wasn't surprised, but he was supportive. This was the first time I realized that it was OK to tell people. Gordon was the same way when I told him, I guess I lucked out with the guys I dated they were pretty understanding. Other than them, I never really told anyone - some friends at college and work, but I always thought it wasn't anyone else's business.
Like I said Dad and Mike have always had a crazy relationship. Mike has done some things to my family, that most people would not forgive. He called Gordon's ex, Judy, to let her know that I was dating him. He moved into an apartment in my Dad's house in Zelie, Gramma lived downstairs and he would do things to drive her crazy - some of them were funny. He then got drunk one night and attacked Dad, when Dad fought back Mike called the police and had him arrested. Needless to say, this could have been the straw that broke the camels back. Mike had called my Mom to say that Dad was in jail. Mom called here and talked to Gordon about it. We met Greg and my uncle at my dad's house in the city. When we got there, Mike acted like nothing was going on, I being bulled headed told him that someone needed to look at for Dad and it obviously wasn't going to be him. After we got Dad out of jail (I can laugh about this now), he did not speak with Mike for a while. Then one day, he realized that even though they would never be "together", they needed each others friendship to survive. They moved in together, each with separate bedrooms. This arrangement helped them both out with paying bills. The arrangement also drove the wedge in deeper for my brother.
In time, I forgave Mike, though it took some time. My brother on the other hand has reverted to being a child when it comes to my Dad.
My brother and I have never really sat down and talked about how this has affected our lives. I have always loved Dad the way he is. We would joke around and look at guys together - how many girls can say they were scoping out guys with their dad?
Anytime there is a get together at my place, I have always included Mike, as he IS a member of my family. He is like another brother to me. He taught me about photography and I will always be grateful for that. He taught Greg about electronics and speakers. Even though there are things that he has done which make me mad, I still love him and I can find it in myself to forgive him because he completes my Dad. If he wasn't around, there would be no one there to make sure he wasn't having another stroke and to remind him of things when his memory goes for a minute.
At the beginning of the month we got an invitation to a party that Greg was throwing for Kelli's 30th birthday. Gordy and I were planning on going and so was Dad. Mike normally doesn't go to these things because he sometimes feels uncomfortable. Anyhoo... Greg called me the Tuesday before the party to ask me a favor. He wanted me to make sure Mike was not going to be there. In his words, "this is Kelli's 30th birthday party, not Dad's coming out party." I understood where Greg was coming from, but I wasn't sure why I had to be put in the middle. I struggled with this for a day. I couldn't decide if I should call Greg back and tell him he needed to grow some hair on his ass and tell Dad himself, or tell Dad and hope he didn't want to shoot the messenger. In the end, I told Dad what Greg had said. Dad's words to me where "If that's they way he feels, I won't go at all." The funny thing about it, was it's not like Dad and Mike look or act like flaming gay men. To me they are normal and they don't sit in corners and neck at parties. In my opinion, Greg was way out of line. There were 70 people at the party and no one really cared who was there or not.
The night of the party, Gordon and I went. The only people we knew where Kelli's family. Needless to say, we felt really awkward. My uncle Woody showed up, realized that Greg and Kelli hadn't shown up yet and left. Gordy and I hung out until they came. Greg finally made his way over to us and said "How did Dad take it?" My reply was "He's not here, is he?" I then told him that I never wanted to be put in the middle again. It wasn't fair to me and it wasn't fair to Dad. When we went to leave, I wished Kelli a happy birthday and she asked where dad was. Another smartass reply from me was "ask your husband." She looked at me really perplexed and I walked away.
I decided then and there that no matter what, Kelli's family was no longer second hand invited to any parties at my house. I know this sounds petty, but every party that has been at our place since Greg and Kelli have been together, her parents and sisters have been at. For some reason, an invitation to them is an invitation for her entire family. One time, I caught her packing lunch stuff up for her dad to take to work the next day - what gaul.
All this stuff makes me realize what neat parents I have. I really love them with all my heart. I also realize that my family in general is pretty cool. Both sets of aunts and uncles are great and all my cousins are fun people. I love hanging out with them. I realize that Greg is missing out on so much. He has Kelli's family, which they are nice and fun to be around, but so are we. There is going to come a time when someone is gone, and he is going to realize that he missed out on so much love.
I must say, writing this has been like chicken soup for my soul. It's good to "come out" with my Dad. I find that I am telling more and more people and they are not as critical as I thought they would be. They understand because they have gay family members and know that what one person does in the privacy of their own home, is their own business.
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