I am happily married, have been for 16 years. In the last three months, I have wanted something more - what I have no idea.
I met my husband when I was 18, I had never been with anyone before him. I never really had a boyfriend - you could count Tim, but he was in the Navy 500 miles away, does that really count?
Anyhow, I have this urge all the sudden to go sow some wild oats. I want to go out, have some fun. Meet new people and just enjoy myself.
What is wrong with me? I love my husband - he treats me like a princess, he takes care of me and yet, right now it's not enough. Why can't I just accept what I have and be happy?
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Will this week ever be over?
I have had a bad week, which started at the end of last week. I am blown away with school right now. I spend all weekend studying and still don't understand stuff in my research class. - I'm just frustrated.
This weekend entailed studying, babysitting, cleaning and playing host to Gordon's sister. None of this bothered me, except that I know I need to be doing other things - like studying more.
Work has been chaotic. We have a "goLive" with a new product next week and I have been testing like crazy. Of course, things that were fixed are now broken - Murphy's Law.
The home life hasn't gotten better, I am PMSing and just need a break. Monday I was in the bathroom getting ready for work, Gordy walked in and said with a snide tone "Pants." This was his way of saying that he couldn't find his pants for work. I had to drop what I was doing and go look for his pants - off to the laundry area, no, then back to the closet - yep. If he would have opened his eyes, he would have found them.
Gordy got a job offer yesterday. The money isn't the best and he isn't sure he's going to take it. I bought him some flowers just to let him know how proud of him I am. So....
Last night I went home and did some homework. At around 8:30 I went out to watch some TV with him. He proceeded to tell me to get a drink, he had something to tell me. A million things were flying through my head - what did Ben do now, he wants a divorce, he was fired from his job. He proceeds to tell me that he didn't want to tell me this, becuase I had been so stressed and he didn't want to pile anymore on - ok Gordy, get to the point.... He said that the place where he worked was being sold and he didn't know if he would have a job in another month.
At this point, I am speechless. Prior to him telling me this, he asked me not to be mad. I have to admit, I was mad but yet releived that he decided not to tell me. He was right, I didn't need that stress of knowing he may not have a job at the end of March.
Thursday and Friday were no better, I found out Friday at 4 that I have to work this weekend - argh...
Friday night I came home and had a serious talk with Gordy. About how I am feeling about the way I am perceiving what he has said to me over the past week or so. After I aired all my grievances, he wouldn't speak to me for the rest of the night. I really tried to not put him on the defensive, by saying "this is how I feel when you say..." I wasn't critical and I wasn't argumentative, heck I was pretty calm. I probably should have waited to tell him this stuff, but I must say, it was a relief to get it off my shoulders.
When he left this morning, he said bye, not "I Love you," nothing. I guess he is still mad at me.
The way things look right now, it appears that next week will be starting as crappy as this week ended.
This weekend entailed studying, babysitting, cleaning and playing host to Gordon's sister. None of this bothered me, except that I know I need to be doing other things - like studying more.
Work has been chaotic. We have a "goLive" with a new product next week and I have been testing like crazy. Of course, things that were fixed are now broken - Murphy's Law.
The home life hasn't gotten better, I am PMSing and just need a break. Monday I was in the bathroom getting ready for work, Gordy walked in and said with a snide tone "Pants." This was his way of saying that he couldn't find his pants for work. I had to drop what I was doing and go look for his pants - off to the laundry area, no, then back to the closet - yep. If he would have opened his eyes, he would have found them.
Gordy got a job offer yesterday. The money isn't the best and he isn't sure he's going to take it. I bought him some flowers just to let him know how proud of him I am. So....
Last night I went home and did some homework. At around 8:30 I went out to watch some TV with him. He proceeded to tell me to get a drink, he had something to tell me. A million things were flying through my head - what did Ben do now, he wants a divorce, he was fired from his job. He proceeds to tell me that he didn't want to tell me this, becuase I had been so stressed and he didn't want to pile anymore on - ok Gordy, get to the point.... He said that the place where he worked was being sold and he didn't know if he would have a job in another month.
At this point, I am speechless. Prior to him telling me this, he asked me not to be mad. I have to admit, I was mad but yet releived that he decided not to tell me. He was right, I didn't need that stress of knowing he may not have a job at the end of March.
Thursday and Friday were no better, I found out Friday at 4 that I have to work this weekend - argh...
Friday night I came home and had a serious talk with Gordy. About how I am feeling about the way I am perceiving what he has said to me over the past week or so. After I aired all my grievances, he wouldn't speak to me for the rest of the night. I really tried to not put him on the defensive, by saying "this is how I feel when you say..." I wasn't critical and I wasn't argumentative, heck I was pretty calm. I probably should have waited to tell him this stuff, but I must say, it was a relief to get it off my shoulders.
When he left this morning, he said bye, not "I Love you," nothing. I guess he is still mad at me.
The way things look right now, it appears that next week will be starting as crappy as this week ended.
Friday, February 17, 2006
A Rose is Just a Rose?
After 16 years of marriage, I finally got flowers on Valentines Day. It started out like every typical day - snuggles and kisses before I padded off to the shower. The only difference was the cards that morning.
When I got to work, I had another card - this time an electronic one. Man, he was really trying to make it a special day this year.
Lunch came and went without a call from the front desk. As I was stuffing a micky d's fry into my mouth, the call came. I needed to go to the receptionists desk - wahoo. As I walked the 100 paces, my palms began to sweat. Was I just getting my hopes up?
I rounded the corner to find all the girls standing there gawking at this beautiful arrangement on the front desk. It was for me...
There were cream and red roses, snap dragons, and orchids along with some odd looking greenary (sp). They have been sitting on my desk all week and looking great. They smell so nice, I wish it could smell like this all the time.
The answer to the question is - no, these roses are special, from someone special. Someone who adores me and knew they would mean the world to me.
Thanks Honey - you make my world go 'round.
When I got to work, I had another card - this time an electronic one. Man, he was really trying to make it a special day this year.
Lunch came and went without a call from the front desk. As I was stuffing a micky d's fry into my mouth, the call came. I needed to go to the receptionists desk - wahoo. As I walked the 100 paces, my palms began to sweat. Was I just getting my hopes up?
I rounded the corner to find all the girls standing there gawking at this beautiful arrangement on the front desk. It was for me...
There were cream and red roses, snap dragons, and orchids along with some odd looking greenary (sp). They have been sitting on my desk all week and looking great. They smell so nice, I wish it could smell like this all the time.
The answer to the question is - no, these roses are special, from someone special. Someone who adores me and knew they would mean the world to me.
Thanks Honey - you make my world go 'round.
Monday, February 13, 2006
Wild Hair - Quick Quip
Lisa, the networking person, has wild hair. There isn't a day where her hair is done "presentable." Today it's the worst I have ever seen it. It looks like she stuck her head in a blender and blew her hair dry.
I would never walk out of the house with my hair looking that bad. It's almost as if she doesn't take any pride in the way she looks.
I would never walk out of the house with my hair looking that bad. It's almost as if she doesn't take any pride in the way she looks.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Valentines
With the impending Valentines holiday coming up, I was thinking about what a depressing day it is for me.
These feelings stem from junior high school - yeah I need to get over it - and the fact that I never had a special guy in my life. I was always a tomboy. My male friends treated me like one of the boys, like a sister, but never anyone they would consider going out with. I never had a problem with this except on Valentines Day.
In junior high, the class sold carnations to raise money for dances and such. They always sold the carnations for Valantines Day and I never got one. All the "pretty" girls had them, in some cases, dozens from admirers. I found this quite depressing.
Not that I was really interested in dating, but I think it was an ego thing. You know, someone paying attention to me (you think I'm high maintenance?). I wanted to feel special.
This continued into high school, college and even into married life. Flowers were a rare occurance in my life...
I understand that roses are expensive on Valentines day. They don't last long and it's like throwing money down the drain. But, to me and at this time in my life, it isn't about the money, it's the thought.
It's about this one little thing - showing everyone else that you love me. I know that I am the world to you, you tell me everyday in everything you do. What is it about flowers and Valentines Day that gets me in such a tizzy?
These feelings stem from junior high school - yeah I need to get over it - and the fact that I never had a special guy in my life. I was always a tomboy. My male friends treated me like one of the boys, like a sister, but never anyone they would consider going out with. I never had a problem with this except on Valentines Day.
In junior high, the class sold carnations to raise money for dances and such. They always sold the carnations for Valantines Day and I never got one. All the "pretty" girls had them, in some cases, dozens from admirers. I found this quite depressing.
Not that I was really interested in dating, but I think it was an ego thing. You know, someone paying attention to me (you think I'm high maintenance?). I wanted to feel special.
This continued into high school, college and even into married life. Flowers were a rare occurance in my life...
I understand that roses are expensive on Valentines day. They don't last long and it's like throwing money down the drain. But, to me and at this time in my life, it isn't about the money, it's the thought.
It's about this one little thing - showing everyone else that you love me. I know that I am the world to you, you tell me everyday in everything you do. What is it about flowers and Valentines Day that gets me in such a tizzy?
Monday, February 06, 2006
Question of the Day
Is there anything wrong with pure raw sex, just for the hell of it?
This is JUST a question, nothing more...
This is JUST a question, nothing more...
Yeah - I finally Heard It
How long have I been bitching about hearing someone other than my husband say they found me attractive? At least a year and to me, there was no end in site.
Until today that is. My Crush and I were walking in the hallway, and had stopped to talk about the bike ride last week. Out of the blue, he said I looked good today. Ok, I definately blushed at this, he is the first person in almost 20 years besides my husband to tell me that. I could have melted into the wall. Man, he really knew how to make my knees go weak.
I'm beginning to think that he may have a crush on me - wouldn't that be funny?
Until today that is. My Crush and I were walking in the hallway, and had stopped to talk about the bike ride last week. Out of the blue, he said I looked good today. Ok, I definately blushed at this, he is the first person in almost 20 years besides my husband to tell me that. I could have melted into the wall. Man, he really knew how to make my knees go weak.
I'm beginning to think that he may have a crush on me - wouldn't that be funny?
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Riding without a helmet
This is something I would never have considered doing - until today. It was in the mid 50's and I was in a "funk." Since my birthday, I have been doing things I never would have considered doing before.
Anyhow, I saw that Bruce had brought his bike to work today. I have been saying for a year and a half that I wanted to go for a ride, not having the nerve to ask.
Kelli and I were talking about it and she said, "just ask" the worst that's going to happen is that he'll say no. I told her I was a chicken shit, then walked out the door to the restroom.
As I rounded the corner, I heard the familiar sound of keys behind me. I turned around and there were Rocco and Bruce.
"Hi Guys"
"Hi Margie"
And here it is... "So when do I get a ride on that bike of yours?"
As the out of body experience continued, he replied, "Right Now."
"Really?"
"No, but I get done at 3:30. We can go then."
So on this warm February day I went for a bike ride sans helmet. My father would have freaked, Gordy would ask "What the hell were you thinking?" And my friends would have been disappointed in me. I am smarter than that and I definitely know better.
I had a blast, a day I will never forget. I made a new friend, I bought him a beer, I rode in the rain and had a great time.
He told me that his wife had died three years ago and that he still misses her, they were married 28 years. He's seeing someone right now, though I had the feeling that wasn't going anywhere.
The most ironic thing about the ride was when he dropped me off. He said to me, "You know what my wife's name was?"
"No."
"Margaret."
Maybe it's just me, but I think it's quite uncanny that his wife's name and mine are so much alike - mine is actually a derivative of Margaret. I wonder what he called her? Maggie, Meg, Peg or Margie...
Anyhow, I saw that Bruce had brought his bike to work today. I have been saying for a year and a half that I wanted to go for a ride, not having the nerve to ask.
Kelli and I were talking about it and she said, "just ask" the worst that's going to happen is that he'll say no. I told her I was a chicken shit, then walked out the door to the restroom.
As I rounded the corner, I heard the familiar sound of keys behind me. I turned around and there were Rocco and Bruce.
"Hi Guys"
"Hi Margie"
And here it is... "So when do I get a ride on that bike of yours?"
As the out of body experience continued, he replied, "Right Now."
"Really?"
"No, but I get done at 3:30. We can go then."
So on this warm February day I went for a bike ride sans helmet. My father would have freaked, Gordy would ask "What the hell were you thinking?" And my friends would have been disappointed in me. I am smarter than that and I definitely know better.
I had a blast, a day I will never forget. I made a new friend, I bought him a beer, I rode in the rain and had a great time.
He told me that his wife had died three years ago and that he still misses her, they were married 28 years. He's seeing someone right now, though I had the feeling that wasn't going anywhere.
The most ironic thing about the ride was when he dropped me off. He said to me, "You know what my wife's name was?"
"No."
"Margaret."
Maybe it's just me, but I think it's quite uncanny that his wife's name and mine are so much alike - mine is actually a derivative of Margaret. I wonder what he called her? Maggie, Meg, Peg or Margie...
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