Mary Queen of Scots – Rachael Kerin

When I woke up this morning, all seemed right in the world, at least my little corner of it. The birds were singing and the day was going to be good, because for the first time in over a week, I would be able to drive the Fiat. That little car that makes me feel like nothing can go wrong and lifts my spirits when things do. I’m glad I had that little car today.

I had just arrived at work, settling in for a long week, when I got an e-mail from my friend Scott. In the subject line was Rachael. I figured this was some sort of wacky update on his former spouse, but when I got to the part where “she killed herself last night” I could feel the blood drain from my face. I felt instantly sick and wanted to vomit.

I hadn’t talked to Rachael in about 15 years. It’s not that I didn’t think about her, cause I did. I just never made the effort to pick up the phone and call her. The last time we saw each other, we were juniors in college and had parted ways in a not so friendly way.

I did however know how things where going in her life through Scott. He and I had kept in touch over the years, mainly through e-mail with a call here and there when something major happened that we needed the other one to know about.

He had seen Rachael a couple months ago and said that she was the same old Rachael except that she had some tattoos and had aged a little – we are in our late 30’s, so that is to be expected.

He told me she was in the middle of a nasty custody battle with her latest ex and that things were not going well. She had moved back in with her Mom while she was trying to sort things out with the custody stuff.

After everything I heard yesterday about Rach, I guess this was her way of solving stuff. In my opinion, when things got rough, she ran away. She had a hard time dealing with conflict, even when we were in college. Her way of dealing, was ignoring someone and not talking to them, hoping the problem would go away.

She and I had a falling out our freshman year. I was having some problems with crank callers and a stalker, I asked her to sit in my room until Gordy got there and she told me no. Having the German temper that I do, I got mad and confronted her about it. I thought that I had done more than my share of hand holding with her and I felt that I deserved a little in return. So when I turned around to walk away she followed me down the hall. When I turned around to see what she wanted, she sucker punched me in the face. Needless to say, it was months before we were able to hang out again and that was only because Scott made it happen.

Two years after this, they got married. The four of us all got along well (Gordy was living in the area by then) and we would hang out. For some reason, that winter she thought that Scott and I were doing the deed – we weren’t.

When school was done that Spring, Scott and Rachael were supposed to move to Cleveland. He got a managers position with Chi Chi’s and was going to support the two of them while she finished school. He moved to Cleveland while she went for a visit home. That visit turned permanent and she never lived with Scott again.

I talked to her a couple times after that, but then we lost touch. She got re-married, divorced and re-married again, so I had no idea what her last name was.
About three years ago, I found her at Classmates.com. I looked her address up and had it printed out with every intention of calling – I never did.

I have to say, Rach was the only female friend that ever “got” me. When I went to college, I had friends, but no one really close that really knew me. That is until Rachael. Rach was a little odd, but that is what I liked about her. She marched to her own tune, even though at times it was a little off beat. She was funny and smart and I really liked her taste in music. She got me to listen to The Smiths and Bauhaus, which I love to this day.

She really made the transition to college a good one for me. It was great to have someone around that understood my sense of humor. I loved hers, she had this blow up pterodactyl that she hung from the ceiling in her dorm room. I’ll have to dig out the picture of her and I standing with it above our heads.

She took me to my first Frat party, then helped me home after I drank to much. When we got back to my room, we ordered calzones and drank red Kool-Aid till we both got sick. I can say now that it was funny, but the hangover the next day wasn’t.

Thinking back on all the times I thought of calling her, I never did. I never got that chance to patch things up with the two of us. I was about 30 miles from where she lived last year and wanted to see her. I will never get that chance. It makes you wonder why as humans, we have this need to carry a grudge when life is so short. Yes, Rach was quirky in her own ways, but I really think that with the right direction and some tough love, she could have turned herself around.

Cheers to you Rachel Kerin - you will be loved and missed, and you will definately not be forgotten.