Something I have to say

Ok, here goes... My Dad isn't like most Dad's - he's Gay. For most of the people reading this, that may come as a surprise for others maybe not.

I have known since I was 7 that my Dad, my hero, wasn't the same as other people. It has always been something I have known, even though we didn't talk about it. I used to think it was something I had done wrong that made him that way, but I now know different. I have to say, this is really difficult for me, but it's something I need to do as I had a life changing experience this week.

When my parents separated, Dad dated someone named Pam, she was really nice. But I was young and didn't know any better. He then brought Curtis home. Curtis never liked Greg and I, so that relationship didn't last very long. He also dated someone from Butler that was really nice, he always treated Greg and I like we were his own. I can't remember his name, but he made an impact on my life.

Then there was Mike. They have been together for 20+ years, something straight couples have a hard time doing. Mike lived in Pittsburgh and when Greg and I got old enough, Dad moved to the city too. I remember that day like it was yesterday. It was my birthday and Dad was moving. He had been layed off from the railroad for a year and needed to rent the house out to pay the mortgage. One of the main reasons for the move was that Greg and I were getting older and he didn't want people making fun of us, Zelienople is a small town and people can be mean.

I loved going to visit Dad in the city. He had an apartment near the park and I was able to roller skate through the park in the summertime. I had access to everything the city provided, downtown, shopping and all the fun things you have in walking distance.

It was after a year or so that Dad moved in with Mike. I must say, they had a tumultuous relationship from the beginning. I remember fun times, but I also remember fighting and screaming. I think Dad moved in and out of there at least 3 times.

Needless to say, this had an effect on me. We never talked about his orientation, he just assumed we knew. I started having problems in school, so one day, I blurted it out to my Mom that I knew. I must say, that day was life changing. I was able to talk about it and not feel dirty. Mom sent me to the school therapist - that was more embarrassing than knowing my Dad was gay. At this time in my life, I didn't tell anyone, like I said people are mean and this was in the middle of the Aids crisis.

When I started dating Tim, I told him the night my Dad and Mike had us to dinner. He wasn't surprised, but he was supportive. This was the first time I realized that it was OK to tell people. Gordon was the same way when I told him, I guess I lucked out with the guys I dated they were pretty understanding. Other than them, I never really told anyone - some friends at college and work, but I always thought it wasn't anyone else's business.

Like I said Dad and Mike have always had a crazy relationship. Mike has done some things to my family, that most people would not forgive. He called Gordon's ex, Judy, to let her know that I was dating him. He moved into an apartment in my Dad's house in Zelie, Gramma lived downstairs and he would do things to drive her crazy - some of them were funny. He then got drunk one night and attacked Dad, when Dad fought back Mike called the police and had him arrested. Needless to say, this could have been the straw that broke the camels back. Mike had called my Mom to say that Dad was in jail. Mom called here and talked to Gordon about it. We met Greg and my uncle at my dad's house in the city. When we got there, Mike acted like nothing was going on, I being bulled headed told him that someone needed to look at for Dad and it obviously wasn't going to be him. After we got Dad out of jail (I can laugh about this now), he did not speak with Mike for a while. Then one day, he realized that even though they would never be "together", they needed each others friendship to survive. They moved in together, each with separate bedrooms. This arrangement helped them both out with paying bills. The arrangement also drove the wedge in deeper for my brother.

In time, I forgave Mike, though it took some time. My brother on the other hand has reverted to being a child when it comes to my Dad.

My brother and I have never really sat down and talked about how this has affected our lives. I have always loved Dad the way he is. We would joke around and look at guys together - how many girls can say they were scoping out guys with their dad?

Anytime there is a get together at my place, I have always included Mike, as he IS a member of my family. He is like another brother to me. He taught me about photography and I will always be grateful for that. He taught Greg about electronics and speakers. Even though there are things that he has done which make me mad, I still love him and I can find it in myself to forgive him because he completes my Dad. If he wasn't around, there would be no one there to make sure he wasn't having another stroke and to remind him of things when his memory goes for a minute.

At the beginning of the month we got an invitation to a party that Greg was throwing for Kelli's 30th birthday. Gordy and I were planning on going and so was Dad. Mike normally doesn't go to these things because he sometimes feels uncomfortable. Anyhoo... Greg called me the Tuesday before the party to ask me a favor. He wanted me to make sure Mike was not going to be there. In his words, "this is Kelli's 30th birthday party, not Dad's coming out party." I understood where Greg was coming from, but I wasn't sure why I had to be put in the middle. I struggled with this for a day. I couldn't decide if I should call Greg back and tell him he needed to grow some hair on his ass and tell Dad himself, or tell Dad and hope he didn't want to shoot the messenger. In the end, I told Dad what Greg had said. Dad's words to me where "If that's they way he feels, I won't go at all." The funny thing about it, was it's not like Dad and Mike look or act like flaming gay men. To me they are normal and they don't sit in corners and neck at parties. In my opinion, Greg was way out of line. There were 70 people at the party and no one really cared who was there or not.

The night of the party, Gordon and I went. The only people we knew where Kelli's family. Needless to say, we felt really awkward. My uncle Woody showed up, realized that Greg and Kelli hadn't shown up yet and left. Gordy and I hung out until they came. Greg finally made his way over to us and said "How did Dad take it?" My reply was "He's not here, is he?" I then told him that I never wanted to be put in the middle again. It wasn't fair to me and it wasn't fair to Dad. When we went to leave, I wished Kelli a happy birthday and she asked where dad was. Another smartass reply from me was "ask your husband." She looked at me really perplexed and I walked away.

I decided then and there that no matter what, Kelli's family was no longer second hand invited to any parties at my house. I know this sounds petty, but every party that has been at our place since Greg and Kelli have been together, her parents and sisters have been at. For some reason, an invitation to them is an invitation for her entire family. One time, I caught her packing lunch stuff up for her dad to take to work the next day - what gaul.

All this stuff makes me realize what neat parents I have. I really love them with all my heart. I also realize that my family in general is pretty cool. Both sets of aunts and uncles are great and all my cousins are fun people. I love hanging out with them. I realize that Greg is missing out on so much. He has Kelli's family, which they are nice and fun to be around, but so are we. There is going to come a time when someone is gone, and he is going to realize that he missed out on so much love.

I must say, writing this has been like chicken soup for my soul. It's good to "come out" with my Dad. I find that I am telling more and more people and they are not as critical as I thought they would be. They understand because they have gay family members and know that what one person does in the privacy of their own home, is their own business.