Over the past three months I have been in a tizzy about soeing some wild oats. I even had someone interested in being the soeie.
Anyway, Gordy and I talked about it three weeks ago. I finally got up the courage to tell him what I was feeling. Needless to say, he was shocked.
I let it all out, held nothing back and felt a wave of relief wash over me when it was done.
He had many questions, specifically about the soeie, and he got truthful answers. We had kissed but it never went any further than that.
After spending an entire weekend discussing this situation, we both realized that we had drifted apart and needed to come back together.
I admit that he was driving me nuts. I knew I was loved, but he had a strange way of showing it. He wasn't very communicative about certain things, especially about his job and the kids.
I on the other hand wasn't showing him the love and respect that he needed.
I feel incredibly sorry for what I almost did to our marriage and I am working on getting his trust back - this will take a long time. I am also working on my self esteem - which has been gone for awhile.
The hardest part of this thing is seeing the soeie a couple times a week at work. It's not like he works for the same company, but he is in the same building. When I see him, my stomach no longer flutters, but I still have this need to be his friend. I know it sounds really strange, but I feel like I will always have this connection with him even though nothing more than a kiss happened.
When I talked to Gordy about the soeie, he was shocked that I would give everything up for a man that I could never see myself with. Yeah, strange. This guy is really nice, but he is so not my type. He is very opinionated about people that are gay or lesbian - how can they be like that, it's just wrong. He is also very insecure with himself. I don't think that he can live without a woman in his life. It doesn't matter if they don't get along - he wants to know that there is someone there when he gets home. Me, I like my independence. I can be by myself if I have to be, it's not the end of the world to be alone.
Oh well, at least I came to my senses, calmed down and am getting on with life. I look forward to going home and spending time with Gordy. It's been awhile since I have felt that way.
Gotta run, I have someone to meet at home :)
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I am a 40 something just trying to deal with life and my disFUNctional family.
3 comments:
That took guts girl! But I am glad to see someone doing something about their marriage vs leaving it for all the wrong reasons. I hate seeing a good thing just thrown away. Good luck sweetie.
S
We have had some serious conversations and arguements over the past two weeks.
It hasn't been easy, but at least we are both willing to work on things.
If the worst happens, which I don't think will, but at least we both tried our best to make things work.
Your post got me to thinking...
While I've had an adventuresome life and can't say that I've been with only a few women, I can say that I've mucked up my fair share of them from sheer stupidity, lust and ignorance! I've dabbled outside of my marriages and know from experience that the outcome is always brutal and devastating for everyone concerned. It is NEVER EVER worth it.
But, one thing I HAVE learned is this, and it might be applicable to your situation, especially now.
I've often thought about relationships; I've been in a couple of real stinkers and am now in one that is pretty damn good.
Anyway...I am of the opinion that women want love from their man and men want respect from their woman. When a man wants to hurt a woman because of some perceived slight (I've done it myself) he witholds love from his woman as punishment for her not respecting him as he feels is his due. And, when the woman doesn't get the love she feels she deserves from her man, she questions the respect she has for him and witholds it; or worse, ridicules or belittles the man.
In this way, a vicious cycle begins that only the very courageous of couples can break themselves, usually only with the intervention of a therapist.
In summary, give him all the respect you can muster. I bet what you get back is more than any fling could ever give.
I hope this helps!
BC
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