I have been seeing a therapist for a little over a month. Boy, what a change it makes to talk about things to someone that doesn't judge.
For this reason, I had a dream over the weekend that entailed cleaning and getting rid of the clutter. As I woke up Sunday morning, I realized that I needed to clean out my life. I need to make sure I surround myself with people that treat me with love and respect. In return, I will continue to give them the love and respect that they deserve.
Ok, what I am saying is that I am surrounding myself with people who ask nothing of me, and I ask nothing of them - a relationship with no strings attached.
I have spent the majority of my life trying to please people and not expecting anything in return. I am tired of wasting energy trying to please others, when they will never be satisfied with what I am giving. It's like spinning wheels and not getting a mile down the road.
By expecting satifaction from those I am trying to please, I am only making myself miserable with the waiting.
Take for instance, Tim. When Pete died, my friendship with Tim died as well. It was like losing two people, only one was still alive. I still think of him a lot, but it is not healthy. He has abandoned our friendship, left it at the curb and run over it with his SUV. I still hold out that he will call me, even though in my heart I know he won't. Too much time has gone by and too many words have been said, yet I miss him, his conversation, his friendship. This is one of those things I need to get over, put out with the garbage. It is really hard to do though - I have known him longer than Gordon. At one time, he was my sounding board, the one person I considered a mentor in my professional career. I want to think that he would be proud that I got my Masters, that I am pushing forward in my career. It's sad, but I will never really know what he thinks.
Swish, swish, swish, sweeping up :)
I am signing off, the Steeler game starts in a few and I need to grab a slice of pizza and another glass of wine.
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2 comments:
Those old friend and ties are hard to let go of. I too have spent time with a shrink, therapist and non judging sounding board. I went there to help me deal with Pete's death and found also, that I had to let other things go as well. While I haven't cleaned everything out, what I have, has made a difference. Good luck in your Spring Cleaning.
BTW - missed seeing you this year....definitely next.....
Yeah, the cleaning is long overdue. Not sure where I will end up with all this, but I know that the road has been rough so far.
Yeah, this sounds so cliche, but a lot of what I have done is related to how my mom dealt with things when I was growing up.
Oh well...
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