As a married person or someone involved in a commited relationship, do you have a reasonable expectation to privacy? What are the boundaries and who decides where they get drawn?
Should your partner have full access to a journal/diary? How would you react if you found they had read it?
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I am a 40 something just trying to deal with life and my disFUNctional family.
4 comments:
I think everyone needs their private place and for another to invade that is inappropriate even if it is a spouse. We all have our persoanl thoughts and feelings we don't want shared. I think some boundries are just accepted...like you don't read another persons diary. Others are agreed upon, such as a desk, work area, work room, etc.For someone to breach the agreed upon or generally accepted personal space is a breech of trust, one that would come at a heavy price.
I totally agree with what you are saying. I had a journal, which my therapist recommended writing, And Gordy decided to take a peak at what I was saying.
His philosophy is that since what I was writing about involved him, he had a right to read it.
He has also taken to reviewing all the numbers on my cell phone.
Needless to say, I am no longer writing in my journal and none of my thoughts are mine anymore...
wow, I am amazed! Pete always kept a journal and I knew where it was. I only read it after his passing and while it gave me insight to some of his quirks and behaviors, there were things that were hurtful but I know they were entered into his jouranal as a place to vent. To have expressed some of those thoughts may have altered our relationship. There is a reason we don't speak certain words. They will hurt or we know that another would not truly understand what we mean by them.How do you express yourself now and how do you handle the violation? The cell phone things is totally wrong too, well in my opinion.
I am still trying to come to terms with this violation and I am trying to understand his reasoning, as I have done some things in the past 6 months that have made him question my faithfulness to him, but I never crossed that line.
I have started going to therapy to help work through these things, to help me grow.
Journaling was my way of working through stuff that I could never say. Like you said, words that may have changed your relationship and were better left unsaid.
Since this happened I have had to justify every word I have written, and it is exhausting.
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