I bought Christmas gifts for some people at the office, little things, like gift certificates and wine. I do this because I care and I want them to know that I appreciate them.
The problem with this is, I create an expectation. An expectation of a thank you or some other gesture (no, not a gift, in return). When this doesn't happen, I get upset. I feel rejected and just plain disappointed.
My therapist thinks I need to set my expectations lower and not be so "black and white" with things. This is so fucking hard to do, and today I felt like shit about someone not meeting my expectations.
Maybe this is a learning curve, I know that Darrin and Chris will never say thanks for the gifts I give them, I know Trevor will. But I still keep giving them, one becuase it makes me feel good, two, they sign my paycheck.
On the other hand, with the other people, I am setting myself up for disappointment. Yeah, I have been like this my entire life, Gordy calls it keeping score. I have really tried over the last 6 months to not be this way and the turmoil in my life has dramatically decreased. So why is it that this particular case is bothering me?
I'm not sure, but I need to just get over it. Life is way to short to worry about something as trivial as a thank you.
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