Out with the Old, In with the New

Now that 2006 is officially over, I can breathe a sigh of relief. It was a year of ups and downs for me, and I am looking forward to starting over with a clean slate.

Last year brought me the high of obtaining my graduate degree, something I never thought would happen.

It was the year I started taking care of myself, both physically and mentally. Looking in to see the real me - and I liked what I saw - which made me want to change the outer me. I've started walking four to five days a week and have lost 13 pounds since August.

I learned to set goals for myself, like with losing weight. The holiday goal was to maintain my weight, which I have done so far. I am looking at this like baby steps, one size at a time. Yes, I know where I ultimately want to go, but looking at it with mini goals proves that the ultimate goal is achievable.

On the down side, I found myself dealing with a 30 year old wound that was festering inside. Talking about it to a therapist and Gordy made me feel safe, and helped me realize why I am the way that I am. That I can move on, knowing that the wound can heal.

I also thought I wanted something more - a wild side. In my mind, this wild side could only be achieved by being alone. Today, I know that I can be wild and still be with my husband - this was a big change for me last year, a lot of soul searching took place to be at this point.

Last but not least - the fight. I still have nightmares about Dad's neighbor yelling at me, these will pass in time, but nonetheless, I am still haunted by her voice. I may still be naive, but why does there have to be so much hate?

I am still angry that my Dad had to sell his home of 36 years to get away from all the hate, but there would have been more violence if he hadn't sold it. I was afraid of what they would do to him, Mike and the dogs. You get to a point where life is more important than pride.

So, after a long, tearful cry last night, I woke to the sun shining and a brand new year. I am looking forward to this and many more to come :)