Remind me not to say anything

I got a call from my Mom Monday night. She was calling to ask if people would come to a party if it was in the middle of the week. Knowing that she turns 60 this year, I knew what she was getting at, but I played it stupid. I told her that it depended on where the party was and what type it was going to be. Well, she fessed up and said that she was planning her own party and that she wanted it on her birthday, a Tuesday. I told her that I could take a day off to visit for her birthday. She lives 120 miles away so I couldn't visit for just the evening. She then started getting into one of her moods. She figures that the family can schedule their vacation time to come to her Tuesday night party and that they owe this to her.

This situation is wrong on so many levels. First, my brother and I were going to throw a party. She shouldn't have to plan her own party nor want to. Second, if she had it the weekend before, we wouldn't have to use a vacation day. I personally have enough time that I can spare one day, but my husband only gets a week and he uses those for things he wants to do. Also, you would have more people willing to come if it was over a weekend.

Anyhow, I mentioned that I would tell my aunts and uncles, as we were having dinner later for the January birthdays. WELL, I thought she was going to have a heart attack. She started in on the fact that she is never invited to these get togethers and that she would come if invited. She is on the road alot with her job, so she said that she could have made arrangements to be in the area for this dinner. I apologized for not letting her know, but I didn't know until Saturday what the definate plans were. I told her that Dad made the plans, this pissed her off even more that he didn't call her. Her comment was "Paybacks are a Bitch, just wait." Then she started crying because no one includes her in any family get togethers and she is lonely living so far away.

I am really becoming concerned by her actions and comments. It's to the point that I avoid telling her anything that may remotely upset her. This has put me into an interesting position in that things I should be telling her about, I can't. I find myself trying to remember what I can and can't tell her. This bothers me since I thought we had such a good relationship. I want to talk to her about the way she criticizes other people and their actions - which is frequently - but I'm afraid she'll take it the wrong way and never talk to me again. It seems like nothing is ever good enough for her, she is always telling people what to do, what to buy and how to act - it's driving me nuts. I always try to put a positive spin on things when she starts talking this way, or I will try to let her know what someone may have been thinking when they did something.

I don't know the name of her therapist, but I will try to find out. I think they should be aware of how she is being perceived. I am willing to take time off work to meet with her and her therapist for a session. Maybe if there was a third person in the room to referree then it wouldn't be so bad. I just want to let her know that we're all worried about her.