Valentines

With the impending Valentines holiday coming up, I was thinking about what a depressing day it is for me.

These feelings stem from junior high school - yeah I need to get over it - and the fact that I never had a special guy in my life. I was always a tomboy. My male friends treated me like one of the boys, like a sister, but never anyone they would consider going out with. I never had a problem with this except on Valentines Day.

In junior high, the class sold carnations to raise money for dances and such. They always sold the carnations for Valantines Day and I never got one. All the "pretty" girls had them, in some cases, dozens from admirers. I found this quite depressing.

Not that I was really interested in dating, but I think it was an ego thing. You know, someone paying attention to me (you think I'm high maintenance?). I wanted to feel special.

This continued into high school, college and even into married life. Flowers were a rare occurance in my life...

I understand that roses are expensive on Valentines day. They don't last long and it's like throwing money down the drain. But, to me and at this time in my life, it isn't about the money, it's the thought.

It's about this one little thing - showing everyone else that you love me. I know that I am the world to you, you tell me everyday in everything you do. What is it about flowers and Valentines Day that gets me in such a tizzy?